That's a Wrap

Today marks my final day of employment. 

For over 11 years I have been closely involved with Minnesota’s entrepreneurial and innovation ecosystem. I have lived and breathed event planning, marketing, editing, communications, strategizing and more. My role encouraged me to follow companies from their early days to their successful IPOs or exits…or to watch them fail. I’ve met inspiring individuals who have quite literally put everything on the line in order to achieve their dream. 

When I began at The Collaborative in 2004, I didn’t know what an entrepreneur was, let alone how to spell it. I couldn’t have told you the difference between an M&A deal, an IPO, a PE transaction or a VC investment. The opportunities I have had over the years have been amazing, and I've learned so much. I’m a bit sad to no longer be tied to this part of Minnesota’s culture in a professional manner, though my outlook (and interest in the Business section of the paper) has been forever changed.

While my current position and organization have not been a great fit for me (and I was already looking for a new opportunity), I must admit that being laid off has thrown me for a loop….well, it’s thrown my ego for a loop! I’m not one to tie my worth or value to my job, so it was a little surprising to me that I have been feeling the pangs of a blow to my ego as I processed what was happening. 

Ego. Ugh.

With that said, I am no closer to knowing what I want to be doing, or even what my dream job would be. Kind people who want to help me find my next job have asked “What is your elevator pitch?” or “What kinds of jobs are you most interested in?” I can answer in a round-about way, but I just can’t come up with a concise “I am looking for a job as a _______ where I can _____”. [For those who have seen some of my previous posts, I am still waiting for God to pick up his megaphone and tell me what he wants me to do!]

Since learning that my position is being eliminated, I have had to continue working for almost three weeks…very awkward (though the pay is appreciated). It’s been a challenge to find things to do (since I was already preparing to leave, much of the “how to do my job without me” items were already created), stay motivated to do a good job (I mean, how much work should I really be doing on something they don’t want me to complete?), and to put up with my coworkers whispering and meeting without me (understandable but still hurts). I also have not been overly motivated to step up my job search.

What have I done instead? Signed Oliver up for daytime swimming lessons. Signed him up for our church’s VBS. Added story times at Eidem House on our calendar. Bought a couple of educational type workbooks to use while we are home. And tried to convince myself I will have the chance to end my bad eating habits and get into better shape by chasing after an active nearly four year old.

Truthfully, I’m nervous about being a stay-at-home mom. 
Part of me thinks “Wow, I get a chance to try this again, only now Oliver is happy to be in our home and speaks english! How fun!” I am hopeful that this will be a blessing for all three of us. A more peaceful home, a chance for Oliver and I to work on some things together, a more balanced life. 

However, when Oliver and I have several days together, just the two of us, I struggle to fill the time. I’m not a big fan of sitting around while he plays (and for some reason I can’t seem to read a book or do any personal stuff if he’s playing as he always wants me to watch him / play with him / or he runs off) — I always have this running list of to-dos that I should be doing. And I am not very good at “playing.” I am afraid that I will be stressed all of the time, that I will feel ‘stuck’ with all of the household responsibilities, and that Oliver won’t enjoy me being around (because I will be so stressed or inpatient). 

As with any job I know that some days / hours / moments will be amazing and fulfilling, while others will be awful and challenging. Time will tell which of those dominates our days together.  In the meantime, I suppose I need to kick the job search back up, though I’m not even unemployed yet and it’s hard to imagine starting a new job…
[don’t panic, Tony, I won’t give up looking!]

So, for those of you who live close by, I may send out an SOS some day if I’m itching for something new to do, adult conversation, or just a little HELP! Thank you in advance for understanding.

And with that, it’s on to the next chapter...