Book Club Surprise

Let's go back in time, just for a moment. It's August 2005. I am sitting in the parking lot of a condo complex talking myself into getting out of the car and going into the book club meeting. It's a group I found online (which is a bit scary in itself for me), and though I've never been in a book club before, I'm eager to get to know some people in Minnesota. As I sit in the car, I have to fight off the "stranger danger" I feel, convince myself that I'm not walking into some kind of trap, and hope for the best.

Lucky for me, I did manage to get myself out of the car -- and I discovered an amazing group of people. Our book club is proud of the fact that we actually read -- and discuss -- the books, choosing books that challenge us, help us expand our reading variety, and broaden our perspective on the world. We do enjoy catching up, eating delicious food, and even sipping a bit of wine. But ultimately our time is spent focusing the book and the discussion.

In addition to our monthly meetings, we've also celebrated weddings and babies with little showers. For baby showers, we of course bring our favorite baby books for the new little one. At our meeting on Wednesday I was caught completely off guard -- they surprised me with a shower!

So cute!

A surprise shower. A perfectly normal thing that most expecting mothers experience. In our current topsy-turvy world of family courts, red tape, emigration permissions, annual quotas and an endless amount of unknowns, this simple, normal thing was just was I needed. I was so touched and cannot properly express how much I appreciate the generosity and thoughtfulness of these women.

The host, Shirley, printed little Korean flags and attached them to toothpicks. Adding a pair of booties, it officially became a Korean baby shower cake (yellow cake with chocolate frosting...a yummy classic). Our book club founder/leader, Danielle, brought along a decedant red velvet cake as well (Tony especially enjoyed the slice I brought home -- I forgot he is a big fan of the red velvet cake). Not realizing they were throwing a shower, I made pecan date bars; Annette brought cookies to share. It was truly a dessert feast -- perfect for this dessert loving gal!

Shirley made sure Oliver was represented - thanks Shirley!

This doesn't show all of the desserts (or the meal), but what a spread!

The library is off to a stellar start! We received such a wide variety of books, I can't wait to start reading them to Oliver. There are funny books, thoughtful books, educational books...and even a Christmas book and a book of first Korean words. Wow! Tony and I are both so grateful. Thank you.

I'm speechless...I feel so blessed by the women (and their kids) who took time to select
each of these books for Oliver. 

In addition to the books, Danielle brought a bouquet of spring. With our temperatures barely reaching the 30's this week, these lovely tulips are a real mood brightener. All in all, I feel spoiled, blessed, and happy to do something other expecting moms get to do. Thank you to my amazing book club!

Learning How to Wait

Tony and I began our quest for parenthood a while ago (see this post for a summary) and have spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting to see specialists. Waiting for papers to be processed. Waiting for class times and social worker appointments. And of course waiting to bring Oliver home.

I am not very good at waiting. 

We have now passed the 13 month mark. We haven't seen much progress regarding families bringing their children home from Korea so far this year, and it seems that our wait might be longer than we had initially hoped.

As I said, I'm not very good at waiting. Some days are especially tough, but I manage better now than I used to. I've learned coping skills, I sometimes have increased patience, and my very patient husband has helped keep me balanced. I have often felt God's hand guiding me, reminding me that all things happen in His time and for His glory. God has a way of teaching us in all things, doesn't He?

While I get back to obsessively checking our agency's Korea News page for an update on what might be happening, here are the lyrics to a song that I've found particularly encouraging. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, this is the theme song. It's also played on christian music stations regularly. The writer/singer didn't write this song about waiting to adopt (or about improving your marriage, the topic of Fireproof), but it really hits home. 

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting 

I'm waiting on You, Lord 

And I am hopeful 

I'm waiting on You, Lord 

Though it is painful 

But patiently, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident 

Taking every step in obedience 

While I'm waiting 

I will serve You 

While I'm waiting 

I will worship 

While I'm waiting 

I will not faint 

I'll be running the race 

Even while I wait 

I'm waiting 

I'm waiting on You, Lord 

And I am peaceful 

I'm waiting on You, Lord 

Though it's not easy 

But faithfully, I will wait 

Yes, I will wait 

I will serve You while I'm waiting 

I will worship while I'm waiting 

I will serve You while I'm waiting 

I will worship while I'm waiting 

I will serve you while I'm waiting 

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

You can also see a video of the song here.

I think we are all waiting for something -- a break in the chaos of daily life, a long vacation, a tough situation to work itself out, or maybe something far bigger. Waiting isn't easy. Waiting doesn't always "pay off" in the way we hope. But we all have to do it...maybe the above song will encourage you a bit as you wait.

20 Month Update & Wonderful News

He's 20 Months Old!
When the 20 month photos come through this morning I thought that they sent us another family's pictures. I can hardly believe this is the same little boy from last month! I actually called a co-worker over to get her opinion on whether the photos look like the same boy or not (see confirmed, as did Tony, that it seemed to be the same person). I must be loosing it a little!

Click over to the Oliver page for all three. These are truly "action" shots! I can't say I'm digging the pants and shoes, but I am loving the walking around photos. Such a little man!


Program Update
For families waiting to bring their little ones home from Korea, the past two weeks can be summarized in one word: nightmare. Roller coaster, ulcer-inducing, migraine producing, fear-filled...those are accurate descriptions as well.

About two weeks ago the Korea Program rumor mill started churning with hints of "month long stays" "two trips required" "families must appear before the judge" "14 day wait in country to allow birth family another opportunity to change their mind" and more. Panic ensued. Our local agency is not one to jump on a bandwagon -- they are sticklers for offering confirmed and accurate info only (which is usually a great thing, but does cause some delay in their reaching out). Finally our agency sent out a confirmation that there was some truth to the rumors, though much was still unknown. Specifically, they knew that the court was going to require families to appear in person. Beyond that, a meeting was scheduled between the Korean agencies and the Korean Family Court Judges to nail down some of the particulars (set to take place last Monday). We'd be given all of the details the following day.

On the morning of the meeting, a major change took place and the meeting was cancelled "indefinitely." The change? Several judges were rotated off this assignment and new judges were brought in. Everything was once again at a standstill and it was not known when or how things would progress.

A week later, today, the rumor mill began to churn once again. This time with positive news! And moments ago we received a letter from our agency confirming that the courts have reversed their decision. We will not be required to appear before the judge; we will not be required to remain in country for an extended period of time; we will not be required to remain in country during a set time for the birth family to reconsider (though it is important to note that the birth family has the right to reconsider at any time, up until we depart Korea with Oliver). 

Amazing. An answer to thousands of prayers going up world wide. God is certainly good! What seemed to be a negative last week (the changing of the judges) is probably what brought about the decision today to overturn the changes. While it still may take longer than we had hoped for us to get the call to travel, we at least know what to expect and we know that our stay in Korea will be reasonable. Plus, things should begin moving forward soon as the remaining 2012 group gets processed through. 

What a roller coaster!

Update on 'Not Helping' Post

On December 13th I posted an article about a family in the Chicago area who brought a young child into the U.S. from South Korea and were caught up in a debate about the legality of the adoption. You can find the original post here.

This morning the Chicago Tribune posted an update on the situation, which is copied below. The couple previously adopted from South Korea (using an agency) and knew that they were no longer eligible because of their age. During the initial adoption they should have learned about the various requirements for successfully and legally completing the adoption of a South Korean child. What a mess their actions have created for families both here and in South Korea. I am happy to see that the child is set to be adopted and hope that little girl has a happy and healthy future.

I will admit that it is tempting to try to find a way around the legal mumbo jumbo we are currently caught in. Unfortunately there isn't a way around the hoops we have to jump, or the paperwork/interviews/medical exams we have to complete. It simply is what it is. I do hope to have some update on what's going on with Korean adoptions in the near future. Right now all I have are rumors -- not hard facts -- but we are hoping to learn more about additional changes to the process. 

Evanston couple must give up Korean baby
By Lisa Black, Chicago Tribune reporter
6:30 a.m. CST, March 5, 2013

An Evanston couple accused of circumventing South Korean adoption laws have lost their bid to keep a 9-month-old girl whom they've raised since shortly after her birth, with the baby scheduled to return to her native country Wednesday, officials have confirmed.

Jinshil and Christopher Duquet have said they relied on bad legal advice and thought they were participating in a lawful private adoption of the baby, Sehwa, in June.

But when Jinshil Duquet initially tried to enter the U.S. with the baby, authorities at O'Hare International Airport found she lacked the required paperwork for an adoption. After that, South Korean and U.S. officials intervened and fought in local and federal courts for the baby's return.

"It looks like South Korea has prevailed," said Nancy Pender, a spokeswoman for Schiller DuCanto & Fleck, the law firm representing the South Korean government in the case.

She declined to provide details about what triggered the action or how the baby's deportation will be handled. The Duquets had been pursuing a private adoption through Cook County Circuit Court in proceedings that are closed to the public. The court most recently heard the case Thursday, Pender said.

The Duquets, through their lawyers, declined comment. The couple have said that if they must give up the baby, they want their goodbyes to remain private.

"The case didn't work out, basically," said one of their lawyers, Jamie Teich. "Our whole team of people here are saddened and devastated by it."

Officials with the U.S. Department of Justice declined comment.

Sehwa will be placed with a South Korean family for adoption, as opposed to an orphanage, Pender said.

The baby's birth mother and grandparents relinquished parental rights to the Duquets and do not want the child back, officials agree. The biological mother lives at a homeless shelter for unwed mothers and already has another child, according to court testimony.

But South Korean officials say the Duquets skirted Korean laws by failing to go through a licensed adoption agency. Jinshil Duquet, a South Korea native who moved to the U.S. as a child, learned about the baby through a pastor with ties to her family, she testified in court.

She contacted immigration lawyers in Chicago, who put her in touch with a South Korean lawyer who said he could arrange for a private adoption. The Duquets had earlier adopted an older daughter from South Korea by going through an agency but were told they were too old under South Korean law to follow the same procedures again.

The Duquets argued that, despite their mistakes, it was in Sehwa's best interests to remain with them.

South Korea and other countries have tightened laws on foreign adoptions in recent years to prevent trafficking and abuse, and the South Korean government has provided new incentives for domestic adoptions. Some experts say many South Korean children remain in orphanages because of a cultural stigma against adoption and unwed motherhood.

While Sehwa's situation "is tragic … it certainly points out to why you follow the rules," said Susan Soonkeum Cox, spokeswoman for Holt International Children's Services in Eugene, Ore., which arranges international adoptions.

She has just returned from South Korea, where the Duquets' case has been covered extensively by news media.

"While people were sympathetic to everyone, within the adult adoptee community, it was reinforced that you just can't willy-nilly get a child," Cox said. "Children deserve to have the protection of authorities and government."