Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! It's such a wonderful time of year. Baking cookies, wrapping presents, listening to holiday music. I love it all!

This year Tony and I enjoyed a Christmastime date night, catching the Holidazzle Parade Saturday night (something that will be much more fun with Oliver next year) and trying a new restaurant afterwards. Yesterday, while we were at the Christmas Eve church service, I realized that it was 9:00 a.m. Christmas morning for Oliver. Tony and I shared a moment, wondering if he was awake yet and what his foster family does to celebrate Christmas. I'm not sure we will be able to find out what they did, though I am hoping that perhaps they took a few pictures and share them with us when we meet.

Christmas morning in Minnesota found the tree full of gifts for Oliver -- both here and at Tony's parents' house. Santa even stopped by with his first set of golf clubs and a Leapfrog Tag Reader book. Between Santa, the grandparents and a few friends, Oliver's already getting spoiled! Check this out:

Next Christmas will be a whole new world for us, and probably much more fun! For now, we're going to take advantage of no responsibilities -- sitting back to watch a movie. I hope you have all had a terrific Christmas and that you feel as blessed as Tony and I!

Merry Christmas!

Webinar Recap

Children's Home Society held a webinar last night to provide families in the Korea program with an update on the current status of international adoptions in Korea. For the past week I have been wracked with worry that the Korean government was considering closing international adoptions (rumors abound that Korea wants to close to international adoption and that they have been trying to do so for the past several years). At 6:00pm I nervously logged on to the webinar. With great relief, about 3 minutes into the 90 minute session, they reassured us that Korea is not looking to close international adoptions and that we do not need to be worried about a disruption in the adoption for those of us who are already matched.

Whew!

Talk about a big relief! I doubt that is the last time I will loose sleep over little Oliver, though! 

The rest of the update was mostly what we've already heard -- the processing of international adoptions is at a standstill while the family court system and Ministry of Health and Welfare try to figure out how to implement the new law. U.S. and Korean agencies are working to supply examples of how other countries have successfully done this, and they are also making recommendations of how they could keep families moving through the system while they work out the details. Basically it's a case of Red Tape. We are caught in the middle! So, more waiting for everyone, but less worrying about the possibility of loosing Oliver.

In other news -- Oliver officially has more under the tree than anyone else, and Santa hasn't even come yet! I can only imagine what 2013 will bring!

International Adoption Woes

Korea isn't the only country currently navigating international adoptions issues. This article was published today regarding Russian adoptions -- specifically U.S. citizens adopting from Russia. While there are still several additional approvals the bill will need in order to become law, this is quite alarming for anyone presenting working toward a Russian adoption. While I have a fear (way in the back of my mind) of Korea closing down before we get to travel, I know it is highly unlikely. That scenario has played out for other families adopting from other countries, though. And now Russia may be the latest. Very scary for both the U.S. families and those children in the orphanages.

Russia gives initial OK to American adoption ban

• Article by: JIM HEINTZ
• Associated Press
• December 19, 2012 - 7:25 AM
• 
  

MOSCOW - Russia's parliament on Wednesday gave overwhelming preliminary approval to a measure banning Americans from adopting Russian children, a harsh retaliatory move against U.S. human rights legislation.

Top Russian officials have expressed unease about the proposal, an apparent indication that the Kremlin opposes the move.

The lower house of parliament, the State Duma, on Wednesday approved the second reading of a bill responding to the U.S. legislation. The proposed adoption ban was not part of the original bill, but was added as an amendment.

To become law, the measure has to pass a third reading in the Duma, then clear the upper house before going to President Vladimir Putin for his signature.

Putin has not spoken publicly about the measure, but his spokesman Dmitry Peskov indicated Wednesday the Russian leader regards it as excessive. Peskov told the Interfax news agency that, although Putin understands the emotions that prompted the move, "the executive powers are taking a more restrained line."

Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Russia's education minister both spoke out against the amendment and the speaker of the upper house, close Putin ally Valentina Matvienko, cautioned that the lower house was being guided by emotions rather than good sense.

But the overwhelming 388-15-1 vote in favor of the amendment Wednesday included lawmakers from the pro-Putin United Russia party. It was not clear if the opposition from top officials could bring about a reversal.

Many Russians have long resented the adoption of Russian children by Americans, sensitive to the implication that Russians are hard-hearted or economically unable to take care of their own. The resentment is fanned by cases of abuse or deaths of Russian children adopted by Americans.

Underlining the anger, the bill is named after Dima Yakovlev, a Russian-born toddler who died in the United States after his adoptive father left him in an car in the broiling heat for several hours. The father later was found not guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

The measure is in response to a new U.S. law, signed last week by President Barack Obama, which calls for sanctions against Russians assessed as human-rights violators.

That law stems from the case of Sergei Magnitsky, a Russian lawyer who was arrested by the Russian officials he accused of a $230 million tax fraud. He was repeatedly denied medical treatment and in 2009 died in jail. Russian rights groups have accused the Kremlin of failing to prosecute those responsible.

The amended passed by Duma on Wednesday also says any country that passes legislation similar to the Magnitsky Act also will be subject to an adoption ban.

Package #5

Tony and I found ourselves wandering through a toy store this weekend amid the crazy Christmas shopping. We were on the lookout for some ideas to pass along to Santa, but we also wanted to find something to send to Oliver in his next package. For those of you who know Tony, it will come as no surprise to hear that he often utters the phrase "I don't care" when I ask him what we should send or what he might want to include in these packages. But you should have seen him in the toy store! He zoned in on this stuffed monkey with little velcro hands and immediately said we had to send it to Oliver. He was so sweet about it, I couldn't refuse (even though I knew we wouldn't be able to fit the monkey and the CDs I bought to send).

So, here's the package we are mailing to the agency today. It doesn't contain much, but the monkey was selected with love! You'll also see how Mr. Monkey will be making the journey to Korea....he may need a bit of chiropractic care when he arrives!

I might be a little bit squished, but I'm still awfully cute!

Not Helping

I've mentioned this in past blog posts -- international adoptions from Korea have come to a grinding halt as the Korean Government tries to find the best way to implement a law adding a court review step to both domestic and international adoptions. As a result, no further emigration permissions will be issued until the court review process can be finalized. Only then will they allow the first group to move through it. As you may imagine, this is especially difficult for the families who have had their paperwork (quite literally) sitting with the Ministry waiting for approval since early October. This group had expected to travel in 2012, but will now be the first group to travel in 2013. 

Our local agency will be presenting a webinar late next week to update all of the waiting families on what is going on and what the future could hold. In the meantime, they shared this article with us as an example of why the court review is being deemed necessary and why there is increased pressure on the Korean Government to "get it right." I have not been able to find any other details about this family, so I will not make any assumptions about their intentions. Perhaps they simply didn't realize they were not following the proper procedures. Bottom line, though -- this is not helping.

Much of the recently heightened scrutiny around the adoption process by the Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) and by the Korean Court system is a result of the allegedly illegal adoption of a Korean infant, which took place this year in the state of Illinois. Below is the most recent article from Korea’ Donga Ilbo newspaper (English translation).

ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF ARTICLE:

We are caught up in a situation in which a six-month infant girl has been illegally adopted overseas.

According to the Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) on the 11th [of this month], Couple A of the United States received a 19-day old baby on June 28, in Tong Yang, Gyeongnam [Korea] and headed for Chicago. The birthmother of the child, Mother B, is a birthmother in her 20s living in a group home for single mothers.

On the cusp of the delivery of the child, Mother B expressed to the Director of the group home where she was living, that she would like to make an adoption plan for her child. Through an acquaintance, the Director of the group home found Couple A in Chicago in the United States. Mother B signed a contract relinquishing her parental rights and she handed the child over to Couple A. Couple A claims that on the 13th of last month, they received custodial rights of the child from an Illinois Immigration Court. As Couple A were filing for custodial rights via the Courts, they also filed for a visa. Since the child does not have citizenship, it would be necessary for a visa to be issued in order for a visit in the United States to be possible. It is in this regard that the United States Office of Homeland Security suspects that Couple A did not receive the adoption visa (IR3) and adopted the child through a Visa Waiver Program (VWP).

On the 8th of last month, via the U.S. Embassy in Korea, the U.S. Office of Homeland Security inquired as to what the legal procedures for adoption via the Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOWHA) are. This is the first instance in which the American government has made an official inquiry to the Korean Government regarding an international adoption.

The MOHWA notified the United States as to the results of the investigation regarding illegal overseas adoption.

In accordance with Korean adoption law, overseas adoption is only possible when there is no guardian or when the parental rights have been relinquished for children only under the age of 18 as allowed by the status of “child in care” as established by an adoption agency or via a judgment by the Family Court. A person affiliated with the MOHWA said, ‘The contract written by the child’s birthmother is not a legally valid format.’

Accordingly, on the 19th of last month, the U.S. government isolated the child from the care of Couple A. Couple A lashed back; the next day the couple filed suit with a Federal Court against the Office of Homeland Security for the return of the child.

The MOHW has come forward to bring back the child to Korea. On November 27 and 29 at a trial (part 1 and part 2) in U.S. Federal Court, an opinion was submitted that read ‘since this was a violation of the adoption law, the adoption is invalid.’ This month, the third trial was held and an employee of the MOHW attended. At that time, a lawsuit was filed in a court in the state of Illinois in the U.S. to involuntarily terminate the custodial rights of Couple A. The Korean Prosecutors’ Office has accused Couple A of alleged abduction of a minor, and has accused the director of the single mothers’ group home of alleged violation of adoption laws regarding the intermediary role of single mothers’ homes.

Since the second trial in Federal Court, and until the litigation is completed, Couple A has temporarily been designated custodian of the child. Currently, Couple A has the child and the original relinquishment of the child is still not clear. Things will changes in accordance with the final judgment of the Federal Court. Presently, we must wait to see if the Federal Court rules in favor of Couple A, and we must wait for the judgment of the state court as to whether it will terminate the couple’s formal request for custody of the child. The MOHW has said, ‘we are cooperating closely with the U.S. government. If the child is brought back, she will be placed for domestic adoption.’

17 Months - Photos!

Do we have a musician in the making?

This weekend Tony and I put our Christmas tree, placing Oliver's ornament on first (and putting it front and center so we can see it all of the time). We made a night of it, enjoying some cocktails, a good steak dinner and watching Casablanca with all of the lights off except the Christmas tree. It was a lovely Saturday night. Next year Oliver will be able to take part in the tree trimming -- though we may swap the cocktails for hot chocolate and the movie for something a bit more kid-friendly! I can't wait.

This morning we were blessed with another round of photos. Oliver is officially 17 months old, has a very full head of hair and keeps getting taller. In two of the photos you can see the cars we sent him, which means he just received our latest package. Here's one of the photos - click over to his page for the rest.

Have a wonderful day!

Oliver's First Ornament

He may not be here yet, but I couldn't resist starting his ornament collection now. I can't wait to put this on the tree this weekend!

Thankful

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I can't believe a week has already passed...I guess I'm a bit behind on the blog posts. Sorry! 

we are officially in the midst of the holiday season, and I love it! The Christmas music, lights, decorations, greens, snowmen and Santa Clauses...it warms my heart. This year feels a little different, knowing that it is our last year celebrating the season as a family of 2 (and knowing that Oliver is half a world away and not here to celebrate with us). I am very thankful that he is in a loving Christian home and that he is doing so well. I am sure they are spoiling him, especially on Christmas. 

I am also thankful that Tony and I have known all along that he would not be home for this Christmas. There are some families working with our agency who are currently caught in limbo and have been expecting to travel for a couple of months now. Due to the court changes I previously talked about, their files are still pending and it does not look like they will be traveling before the end of the year. I can only imagine how heartbreaking and nerve-wracking that is.

A final note of thankfulness. Several weeks ago Tony, his brother, parents and I travelled south a couple of hours to visit Grandma Irene, Tony's only remaining grandparent and his dad's mom. She had just celebrated her 94th birthday. We had a nice visit with her and even got a few pictures of the whole family -- including Irene holding a photo of Oliver. She was so sweet as she insisted we include him. Earlier this week she passed away and today she is celebrating in heaven. I never had an opportunity to spend much time with Irene, but I do know that she lived a full and joyous life. She loved sharing stories of her life and she loved being around -- and talking with -- people. I can only imagine the number of lives she impacted during her 94 years. I am so thankful that we got to spend a bit of time with her recently.

I pray that you are enjoying this holiday season as well. Before I sign off, here are a few more FAQs posted by our Agency that I thought might be of interest.

Q:  Can you talk more about “cocooning” with the child once we are back in the United States?  We had planned to have family here to help out the first few weeks.  Will this be confusing for our child?


In the first few months you are with your child, it is important that you (adoptive parents) are the only ones who fulfill your child’s needs (food, bathing, sleeping, play, etc.).  This is crucial to creating a strong attachment between you and your child.  Accordingly, it is not helpful to have other family members or friends in your home at least for the first 2 weeks or so.  After that time, it is recommended that there be just short visits limited to a 1-3 people at a time.  If you need help from family members or friends, make sure that they are helping with non-child activities…laundry, donated meals, housecleaning, etc.  Grandparents and future caregivers can certainly interact with the child, but they need to do without holding, picking up, feeding, etc.  They can play with toys or talk with the child or join the family in a meal.   The longer you practice this “cocooning”, the better.  For some families, it is a few months, and for others it could be close to a year or more.

Q:  If you cocoon for 6 months, will this not cause our children to fall behind socially?  What about play groups?


No.  The priority during the first year needs to be on attachment. Social skills, which your child may already have a lot upon his arrival, can be developed further after the attachment has been nurtured.

Getting Greedy: An Update

The obsessive email checking has paid off! Tony and I received an update this morning. I wish we could get these updates every day...or maybe we could just have live video feed of him streaming to our work computers, home computers and iPhones. Technology has come a long way and isn't Korea suppose to be a leader in tech/mobile devices? It would be our own little reality TV show. The Oliver channel!

He is such a cutie (and I'm not biased at all. Not one bit.). He's still getting taller and bigger: at 16 months he is 27.5 pounds and 33.3" tall. He's walking and taking the stairs without a problem and has apparently developed an interest in biting. Apparently he bites if he's happy or if he's sad! The social worker indicates that she thinks it is just a phase (and I've known plenty of kids that have gone through a biting phase), so I'm not worried about that right now. 

Without further ado, here's one of the photos: 

Yummy plastic apple!

Click over to his page for the others.

 

Getting Greedy

It's been just over a month since we received the last batch of photos and I have to admit -- all week long I've anxiously checked my email hoping / praying / wishing new ones would come in. I know I'm getting greedy and should be thankful for the updates we have received, but I just can't seem to help it! 

In the interim, I placed on order on this fun website that offers personalized items for kids. It's worth checking out if you have kids or grand kids: frecklebox (dot) com. I couldn't resist ordering Oliver his own placemat. Check it out:

The placemat should arrive today!

Now, to round out this otherwise random post, our agency shared a bit of information with us that I thought might be worth sharing. The questions are ones fellow adopting parents have asked. The answers have been provided by the agency social workers and Korea specialists (here in the U.S.)

Q:  When do we get custody of the child once we arrive in Korea?

Most recently, families have been receiving their children at the first meeting with the child unless the family indicates that they wish not to do that.  In the case that families express a desire to receive their children later in their stay, such arrangements will be made at the first meeting with the child while in Korea. 

Wow! This is a big change from what we've been told happens. Generally families were given their child the evening before flying home. Now we will have a few days with him before leaving Korea. Tony and I find this scary but are also hopeful that the plane ride home will go more smoothly since he will have been with us a little longer.

Q:  Are there any kids who are potty trained before they come home?

Children coming through the Regular Korea Program are under 3 years of age (most under 2 years of age) when coming home.  They are not potty trained.

Hopefully my next post will include new photos! 

Challenges #5, #6 and #7

In honor of Halloween:

And now, the final "Challenge" installment.

Challenge #5: Boundaries/Discipline

What kids are used to / adoptive parents are experiencing

• Children are unaware of expectations in your home
• Children are unable to understand parent’s cues
• Children learning that there are “rules” often for the first time

Suggestions

• First weeks home be especially responsive to children’s needs

• Primary focus is attachment and building trust with your child

• Over time will differentiate hunger/tired vs. grieving

• Focus on 1-2 challenges at a time

• “Baby-proof” before your child gets home as much as possible

• Be patient with yourself and your child

• Give it time

Challenge #6: Indiscriminate Affection

What adoptive parents are seeing / experiencing

• Children seek to have needs met by all adults
• Children desire to be held by strangers/older siblings
• Children are comfortable away from parents very quickly

Suggestions
• Prepare other adults for limited physical contact following placement..no hugging, no providing of basic needs by others
• “Hugs and kisses for mom and dad, High Fives for everyone else.”
• Keep children close to parents in new situations/Invest in a carrier ..to avoid people grabbing the child to hold
• Remain home with your child as long as possible following placement

Challenge #7: Language Transition

What adoptive parents are seeing / experiencing

• Lower production in general
• Not using words that were reported in updates
• Rejection of Korean
• Unclear production of English words

Basic words/often indicated in updates 

• umma/ahppa (mommy/daddy.but be careful) 

• Pahp (rice/meal) 

• Uhboobah (hold piggyback style) 

• kka kka (candy/treat) 

• Mool (water) 

• Ahpuh (hurt/ouchie)

Challenge #3 and #4

More on the challenges!

Challenge #3: Grieving

What adoptive parents are seeing / experiencing

• Crying inconsolably

• Crying/screaming/searching for “uh ma” (mom)

• Crying throughout night/night terrors

• Shutting down/withdrawing

• Clinging to parent

• Attaching to one parent/ refusing other

• “Strange” behavior 

Suggestions

• Give it time! Help them grieve!

• Stay near them as much as possible, focus on attachment

• Take breaks as needed, especially between parents

Challenge #4: Your OWN Grief

What adoptive parents are seeing / experiencing

• Still grieving about the long wait to receive your child

• Different parenting challenges due to age of child coming home

• The child you imagined may be different than after placement

• Your experience parenting will be different then many friends/family

 

Suggestions

• Take care of yourselves during this process

• Surround yourself with a positive support system, but limit the people who come into your home (support via outside visits one parent at a time, email, forums, or phone)

• Prepare your support system for the needs you may have before and after placement

• Connect with other adoptive families

Challenge #1 and #2

The Korea Program update meeting included a review of the seven main challenges families face when coming home and transitioning into their new life together. Some of the points are pretty obvious while others are perhaps more surprising. The social worker also included a list of suggestions to help overcome and move beyond the challenge. I thought I would share this information as it may help to explain some of the things Tony and I do (or do not do) after bringing Oliver home. As to not bombard you with too much at once, I'll break into a few different blog posts.

Challenge #1: Food

What kids are used to / what adoptive parents are seeing
• Kids are used to eating soft foods

• Some children struggle to chew/swallow

• Some children overeat, or refuse food, as a coping mechanism

Suggestions

• Talk to an adoption competent doctor/pediatrician

• Initially feed children foods they are familiar with if possible

• Slowly incorporate new/solid foods into diet, cut small pieces

• Offer healthy snacks regularly to decrease anxiety

• Keep snacks accessible

Challenge #2: Sleeping

What kids are used to / what adoptive parents are seeing

• Sleeping alone

• Falling asleep on own

• Regular sleeping times

• Falling asleep in a bed/futon

• Sleeping space (bed, crib)

Suggestions

• Co-sleeping (transitioning)

• Floor sleeping

• Taking turns as parents

• Using child room for other purposes

• Do not expect “normal” sleep rules for several months

Summary of the Process

You may recall that Tony and I attended a meeting at our agency to talk about the current status of the Korea program earlier this month. During that meeting they had a great slide that summarized the process of what happens (and why it takes awhile to happen) before we are allowed to travel. I thought some of you might be interested (possibly even amused) to see what it takes for us to get that final phone call saying "come get your son".

Above is a screen shot of the slide. Tony and I are currently in the upper left corner -- our file is hanging out at the Korean agency. Note that our file is a literal paper file, not an electronic compilation of information. 

Let's break it down:
Step 1: We are waiting our turn for our file to be picked up at the agency and taken to the Ministry so we can receive our emigration permission. A real-life person carries our file to the Ministry and diplomatically requests the permission. Once the file is before the Ministry, there still may be a wait of several weeks before the request is considered. Note that it is this part of the process that limits the number of children allowed to leave the country for adoption each year. There is a set number of permissions that are allowed, hence the long wait for families that have been matched with a child (more children are matched each year than are allowed to exit the country).

Step 2: Permission granted! Now comes the "unknown." I've talked about the new law that went into affect in Korea this past August. Family Court is that new step. We do not know what will be involved or how long this will take. Once the final approval is granted, another real-life person will pick up our file and take it back to the agency.

Step 3: Someone from the agency will take the necessary documents to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for the travel permission booklet. This can take several days, or even longer if everyone is busy. Once completed, the file is brought back to the agency.

Step 4: More paperwork is hand delivered to the U.S. Embassy. I sure hope this person gets to wear comfortable shoes! We don't know how long this part takes either, but again it is likely several days. The Foreign Affairs and Embassy visits may require multiple appointments and might even require the Foster Mom to bring Oliver. 

Step 5: This is it folks! THIS is the circle we are longing to reach. The phone call that changes EVERYTHING. The call will let us know that in approximately 48 hours we can travel to Korea. Many parents need a few days to make all of the arrangements (travel and otherwise), some up to two weeks. 

We are told to expect it to take 8-12 weeks to make it through all of these steps. Fortunately we will be notified when our file is placed before the Ministry. There are a few additional steps that take place once we are in Korea, but the paperwork part (and court part) should be all wrapped up. We should receive Oliver the night before we travel back to the U.S.  Of course the process doesn't end there -- we have a few more visits from our social worker, some updates to send Korea, and finally a hearing in family court before Oliver is legally part of the Meyers' clan (about 5 months after we return). Those steps are at least a bit more understandable and known than the ones taking place in Korea. 

I hope this helps explain part of why the wait is so long and frustrating...and unknown. We received some other interesting information at the meeting, which I will post in the coming days. For now, I am going to gaze out the window for a moment and watch the big snowflakes come down.

The Things I Learned...

...at the Agency meeting last night.

As I mentioned in a post yesterday, Tony and I spent yesterday evening at a meeting focused on the Korea Program. Surprisingly there were only three other families attending: one family who accepted a referral last December, missed the "travel in 2012" cutoff by 15 days and are expecting to be in the first round for 2013; one family who accepted a referral in August; and a third family who has been waiting for a girl referral since June 2011 (the wait for a girl referral can be up to two years).

Here are a few things we learned that you might find interesting:

1. I've previously mentioned the new legislation in Korea that went into affect in August. It is an added step to the adoption process, primarily targeted toward domestic adoption but being applied to international adoption as well. The Ministry (in Korea) is working with both the Korean adoption agencies and the court system to determine the best way to proceed. They want to make sure they have everything "figured out" before they move families through the new process. At this time they are working out the kinks and it is unknown how much time this will ultimately add to the process. Estimates range from 1 to 4 weeks.
2. This new law will have a significant impact on domestic Korean adoptions. Without getting into too many details / cultural issues here, it will likely cause a drop in domestic adoptions moving forward. In addition, Korea will continue to reduce the number of international adoptions allowed each year. What doesn't decrease -- the number of children needing a forever family. A very difficult situation, indeed.
3. The meeting also detailed the specifics of the "getting ready to travel" part of the process. We learned that the process currently takes roughly 8 weeks, and they are anticipating that the added step will bring it closer to 12 weeks. It was surprising to learn that the various offices and agencies in Korea require paper copies of everything -- nothing is electronic -- and that an actual person runs all of our paperwork around to the proper places and people. No wonder it takes so long!
4. So, what does all of this mean for Tony and I...and for Oliver? When his file is sent for Emigration Permission (the first step), we will be notified. From that point forward it might be two and a half or three months before we've made it through all of the steps and are told that Oliver is ready for us to bring home. Ultimately, that means we will not be traveling in early 2013. Possibly very late spring/early summer (or later!), but not before. With any luck, however, we will receive the call that our file is on the move sometime in February or March. Of course we will keep everyone posted and, as I've said before, we hope to know a bit more about the overall situation in January.
5. Finally, I learned that it is likely that Oliver's Foster Family is Christian! We are quite happy to hear that. One of the updates we received noted that he goes to Sunday School, and the ESWS agency (our Korean agency) is a Christian organization. We learned that many foster moms are slightly older women who do it as an act of charity and in the company of their fellow church ladies.  :)

It was an interesting meeting and we did get an opportunity to hear more about making the transition once we get home. Much of it was repeated info, but there were a few good nuggets that were worthwhile. 

Package #4

We have put together another package to send to Oliver! Our most recent package included gifts from the grandparents and others. This one is 100% from mom and dad. We have a long sleeved t-shirt that I thought would look especially handsome on him and another indestructible book with photos of mamas and babies (one of those books that can't be torn or damaged).


We are also including a few items that we hope will help with his transition home, even if it's just in a small way.

• We are sending him a CD called "Wee Sing Bible Songs" -- and we plan to have a copy of the CD here (or buy it on iTunes). The idea is that he listens to the songs some while he's in Korea (even though they are in English, he can at least enjoy the music and beat), then when he comes to live with us we can play it for him here. The music will be something familiar and perhaps it will help Oliver feel more comfortable.
• We also purchased a set of four cars, the kind that you can pull back, let go and it zooms across the floor. We have kept two here and are sending him two. While they won't look exactly the same, they will look similar and 'act' the same, so again we are hoping to provide him with something familiar to his previous home life.
• Finally, we wrote a short note to the Foster Mom. We have been told that the Korean Agency will translate it so we are hopeful that she will receive a note about our appreciation for the care and love she shows Oliver.

Tony and I are attending a meeting at the Agency tonight and will bring it with us. They are holding a meeting on the Korea program to discuss the relationship between the U.S. agency and the two Korean agencies. I expect they will get into the new law that was passed in August and how that may impact those of us waiting. Finally, they said that they will be covering some of the strategies families coming home find useful in the first days and weeks with their new child. I hope they do get into those details! If anything interesting comes of the meeting, I will be sure to update you.

15 Month Update

I've been keeping busy -- we are in our busiest time of the year at work -- and while there's plenty going on, none of it has been "blog update" worthy. That all changed this morning!

Tony and I received the 15 month progress report (and we are officially still smitten with our little one). I've said it before and will say it again. Seeing that subject line and sender come through on my email makes my day. 

If I might say so, I think he's looking cuter each time we get a photo. See for yourself (more on the Oliver page):

Look, Ma - I'm wearing cool shoes!

Now that he's a whopping 15 months old, we have been told that he does the following:

• Has formula as well as 3 meals a day (including rice, dried seaweed, miso soup, minced beef and yogurt). Tony wants to know why he's not eating kimchi yet. I'm hoping that's one Korean attribute he doesn't pick up.  :)
• He is walking and running (Uh-oh! We better get ready for that!)
• He "throws a tantrum when he doesn't have his own way"  (he he he)
• Uses single word sentences
• Turns pages in a book (Yeah!! A boy after his mother's heart)
• Brings a spoon to his mouth
• Likes to be around other kids at Sunday School 
• and drum roll please...poops on the toilet! (actually states: When he indicates a sign of pooping, his foster mom gets him to sit on the baby toilet seat in the restroom and he does his business). It's important for us to remember than many kids revert to diapers when they are brought home, but we can always hope!

Basically he is a healthy and growing boy. We are so happy and so blessed! I can't wait to meet him.

In other news, I ordered a couple of adoption related books in hopes that it might help calm a bit of the panic that has been creeping up. This long wait has its benefits, but it also really adds to the worry/panic/self doubt. At least if I were pregnant I would have a set time frame to prepare (worry). The open ended time frame is some sort of cruel and unusual punishment! Well, maybe not punishment. He is, after all, absolutely precious and worth every ounce of effort! 

Until next time...

A Weekend of Celebrations

I had a great weekend full of celebration. It began Friday night when Tony and I hosted our small group for a kick off potluck dinner. We have a terrific time catching up with our small group friends and planning our upcoming study.  We will be reading and discussing "Thinking. Loving. Doing.: A Call to Glorify God with Heart and Mind," edited by John Piper. We joined this group of Christian friends a few years ago and they are such a blessing. It was a perfect beginning to the weekend!

Saturday was a busy day as well and included celebrating a good friend of mine at her baby shower. She's a generous, caring and loving person and it was so nice to have a chance to celebrate her and rejoice over the soon-to-be family of 3. There was also a bit of birthday celebrating going on, including a breakfast specially made by Tony and a fun dinner out later in the day. It's official, I'm now 35! I was reflecting a bit on birthdays and celebrations and remember Tony and I celebrating my 21st birthday. I know that there were several years after that birthday where we did not celebrate together, but it was a reminder of how fast time flies. I can't believe that Tony and I have known each other for so long. :)

Sunday was day #3 of the celebrating. We hosted Tony's family for a birthday dinner -- celebrating my Father-in-Law's birthday as well as my own. As many of you know, I love making desserts. I asked my Father-in-Law what type of desserts he especially liked. I didn't know this before, but he really likes fruit pies! Unfortunately, I'm not a huge fruit pie fan (don't get me wrong...it's a dessert. I will eat it and enjoy it. Especially with ice cream! But I didn't really want to make one). Instead, I took the fruit pie idea....added a bit of gumption...and decided to try the traditional Tarte Tatin. It's a french apple tart that involves caramelizing the apples in a skillet on the stove, topping it with a puff pastry (that's what I used), pie or tart dough and baking it in the oven. This is one of the recipes in Dorie Greenspan's "Baking from My Home to Yours." This cookbook is chock full of delicious recipes and fantastic tips. My favorite tip for making the Tarte Tatin is that you must "quickly and confidently" flip the skillet onto a serving dish, keeping your tart intact. Not only did I manage to keep it all in once piece, but it was also delicious! For more on Dorie Greenspan, check out her blog (and please please please try one of her recipes. They are amazing!): 
http://doriegreenspan.com

Beyond the celebrating, yesterday afternoon also found me switching our house over to fall. Flannel sheets are now on the bed (Tony could hardly contain his happiness at that change), the fall table cloth is on the dining room table, fall dishtowels are hanging on the stove and the fall scented candles are beginning to replace the summer ones. Maybe this weekend I'll whip up the first batch of chili!  

14 Month Photos

Each time we get an email from the Korea Country Specialist, I get butterflies in my tummy. When I open it and the photos come up, a huge grin spreads across my face as tears well in my eyes. I am one happy mommy.

This time was no different -- though I was out in public and those around me probably thought I looked a little goofy! Oliver is officially 14 months (as of September 7th) and we just received an update earlier today. Click over to the Oliver page to see all three.

You'll note a few things about these pictures:

1. He's opening the most recent package we sent, which includes gifts from his Oma & Opa as well his Nana & Pawpaw. He's getting spoiled already!
2. He must be walking around pretty well now (see the photo with the truck)
3. He looks very happy in the laughing photo.
4. As with most of the photos we get, they are blurry. I just call them candids.

Monday Morning's Weekend Recap

This past weekend ended up being a 3-day one for Tony and I as we spent time in Wisconsin Thursday and Friday to mourn the unexpected death of his young and active 66-year old Uncle, Dennis. The family and friends who gathered spent time remembering what an amazing, loving and fun man he was. The eulogies given by his three sons were some of the most heartfelt -- and heart wrenching -- words I've ever heard sons say about their father. At Dennis' request, everyone strived to use the time together to celebrate a life well live and to share stories and pictures...and a lot of food. A few bottles of booze even made their way around the campfire at the end of the evening as his closest friends shared hunting and fishing trip tales. All in all it was an excellent way to remember someone who left this world too early. Thankfully he had a strong faith in God and is rejoicing in heaven today.

Our time in Wisconsin also gave Tony an opportunity to serve as my Knight in a Black Ford Truck. After asking the men sitting around outside if the rain was coming or going, they assured me it was over and the sun was headed our way. My mother-in-law graciously agreed to go for a walk with me (in her skirt and nice sandals), so we headed up the road and into the countryside. It was beautiful! Until it started to sprinkle. Then rain. We turned back to head for the house but the rain intensified and we eventually made our way under a tree. Seconds later Tony pulled up on the side of the road to rescue us! We didn't even realize he saw us leave. What a wonderful son and husband.

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On Saturday we celebrated a 1st birthday and enjoyed catching up with our Small Group. What a great group we have! After that we got busy painting. I am very proud of Tony for buckling down and working with me to get both coats on the walls Saturday, even though he really just wanted a nap. I'm pleased to report that we have now painted both bedrooms, the hallway and the family room in the lower level! Still plenty of work to do, but it feels nice to have one more item checked off the list (bathroom to be painted after the tile is installed).

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And finally, a very big (and belated) HAPPY GRANDPARENT'S DAY to Oliver's grandparents. He is blessed to have your love and encouragement, and to be able to see you as role models. I'm sorry I missed it on Sunday, but perhaps it will help to know that he should be here to celebrate it in person next year! Love you all!

The Final Word on 2012 Submissions

This morning our agency provided those of us adopting from Korea the following update. Before reading the below update, it might be helpful to know this:

• Group 7 for 2012 will not include all of the families who accepted referrals in 2011. It will likely only include those who accepted referrals through early or mid December, 2011.
• Tony and I will not know our specific Group until our paperwork is submitted to the Ministry. The date of our referral acceptance is February 17, 2012. Based on how the groups fell in 2013, we will likely be in Group 3 but we could fall in Group 2 or 4. 
• The groupings are 100% arbitrary. It is literally a matter of how many files the ESWS folks grab to bring to the Ministry at once. They do go in order of date accepted, but beyond that we simply will not know until we know!
• It is important to note that the Anticipations for 2013 Submissions says they will begin in January, but this past year they did not begin until mid-March. So please do not expect an update on timing right away in 2013!

Status of Next Emigration Permission Request Submission for 2012:  The next group of emigration permission requests  (Group 7 for 2012) has not yet been submitted to the Ministry. This is expected to happen in the next few weeks. Group 7 will be the last group submitted in 2012.  This group will be the FIRST to proceed through the new added step of Court Review that is being implemented as part of the New Special Adoption Law that went into effect on August 5, 2012.  As was indicated in the August 20 update from the Korea Program, it is unknown, at this point, how long this added step will take. The step takes place between the issuance of the emigration permission and the visa interview at the Embassy.  ESWS and Children's Home are working proactively to prepare all documents that the court might request ahead of time to ensure that this part of the process proceeds as smoothly and quickly as possible. We will continue to keep you updated.    

Anticipations for 2013 Submissions:  ESWS anticipates that the Group 1 for 2013 will be submitted to the Ministry in January of next year unless the Ministry indicates otherwise.  We will continue to keep you updated.

We know everyone is anxious to have Oliver home. We are too! 

It's really difficult for us to focus on that, though. We need to remain positive but also prepared for a long wait so we can keep our expectations reasonable and our emotions happy. We aren't keeping information from anyone; we honestly don't know more beyond what is shared above.

We hope to have an update on travel sometime in early 2013, but as noted above we won't have any more travel updates this year. We should, however, continue to receive photos of Oliver and will share those as soon as they come in (those also come in intermittently, so we don't know when the next set will arrive).

We appreciate the prayers and encouragement we receive -- keep it coming!