Call the 'bad mother' police! It is possible that I'm already proving to be unworthy of being called a mom.
In all seriousness I realize that's not the case. However, I'm feeling as though I've completely failed in the first few months alone. You see, we have been told all along that we are allowed to send our little guy TWO care packages during the entire wait (and both must fit in a one gallon zip lock bag, contain no liquids and be only for the child, not the foster parents). Given the length of the wait, we want to space out the two packages so he gets one soon and one close to our travel time (so we can include what's called a "transitional item," something he will bring back to the U.S. but will be familiar and smell like home). We thought the first could go around his first birthday, and hadn't decided when the second would be sent.
Fast forward to today. I was just told that we are, in fact, allowed to send ONE PACKAGE PER MONTH. One per month. That means I'm already two packages behind! Goodness gracious.
Time to get moving!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Waiting
The #1 question Tony and I get asked is why we have to wait so long to bring our little guy home (and if we can do anything to speed up the process). The #2 question is often about whether we've gotten any updates on the wait time.
To help answer and explain #1:
The beginning of 2012 did not look promising for families waiting to bring their little ones home from Korea. It was only a couple of weeks ago that the first families received permission to travel, and those families had been waiting for quite a while. The wait time is a roller coaster! For example:
- When we first began the paperwork process last May we were told the wait from referral acceptance to travel was about 10 months.
- When we submitted our formal application in the fall we were told things were now at 14 months.
- When we accepted our referral in February we were told to expect a 19 month wait.
Really, I don't think the agency knows exactly, but they are trying to help us manage our expectations and not get our hopes too high.
In the weekly program update, CHS&FS provided a good -- and detailed -- explanation as to why we have to wait to travel to bring our little guy home. I hope it helps to clarify the WHY, even though it doesn't do much to help the wait go faster. It also helps to answer the question about whether we can speed things up from this side of the globe.
Here's what the Agency said:
To help answer and explain #1:
The beginning of 2012 did not look promising for families waiting to bring their little ones home from Korea. It was only a couple of weeks ago that the first families received permission to travel, and those families had been waiting for quite a while. The wait time is a roller coaster! For example:
- When we first began the paperwork process last May we were told the wait from referral acceptance to travel was about 10 months.
- When we submitted our formal application in the fall we were told things were now at 14 months.
- When we accepted our referral in February we were told to expect a 19 month wait.
Really, I don't think the agency knows exactly, but they are trying to help us manage our expectations and not get our hopes too high.
In the weekly program update, CHS&FS provided a good -- and detailed -- explanation as to why we have to wait to travel to bring our little guy home. I hope it helps to clarify the WHY, even though it doesn't do much to help the wait go faster. It also helps to answer the question about whether we can speed things up from this side of the globe.
Here's what the Agency said:
Can CHSFS control travel times?
Unfortunately, Children’s Home has nearly no influence over the length of time that passes between when a family’s acceptance paperwork is sent to Korea and when they are able to receive their child. Rather, that timeline is determined almost exclusively by the amount of time it takes for the process in Korea to be completed (the U.S. process for obtaining a visa is usually completed relatively quickly). The Korean process is dependent on Korean adoption and emigration policies— in particular, the emigration quota system which establishes a limit to the number children who will be granted permission to emigrate out of Korea for the purpose of adoption. In recent years, the quota has been dramatically decreased resulting in longer waits for children who have been matched with adoptive families to be issued emigration permissions. Although Children’s Home is not able to directly affect the number of emigration permissions granted or the speed with which they are processed in Korea, we are very proactive in advocating in the best interest of the children with organizations in Korea such as the Korean social welfare agencies, the Ministry, and other non-agency advocacy groups. Through all of our efforts we promote ethical child welfare practices and we urge for prompt issuing of the emigration permission so that children can join their adoptive families soon after acceptance. | |
To help answer #2:
We do hear updated wait times every now and again, but the agency has indicated it will have a more solid idea of our travel time later this year. Our hope is to bring him home before his 2nd birthday, though we are preparing ourselves for the previously stated 19 month wait, which puts us into September 2013. If there are dramatic changes to the wait time or the overall relationship with Korea, we will be sure to update everyone. In the meantime, the little changes the agency posts from time to time are really just guesses and estimations.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Cooking Korean
I have a 3-ring binder on my cook book shelf that is full of recipes I've cut out of magazines or found online. It's my "sounds good, I should try this sometime" book. When I do try a recipe out of the book, we then make a decision: is this a keeper, or is this a one-time only recipe. Many have turned out to be one time only, though only a couple have been complete failures.
Last night I tried Sesame-Soy Meatballs and it's a keeper! Tony said that it has all of the traditional Korean flavors, so I'd like to think that I finally made something Korean. I clearly need to up my repertoire a bit, but I am pleased that my first try went so well.
Feeling like you need a little Korean flavor in your life? Here's the recipe (and note that Tony said that his kimchi was especially good with the meatballs).
Sesame-Soy Meatballs
from Cooking Light
Ingredients
1/3 cup minced green onions
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons lower-sodium soy sauce
2 tablespoons dark sesame oil
1 tablespoon chile paste (such as sambal oelek)
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 garlic cloves, finely minced
1 pound ground sirloin
Cooking spray
Preparation
1. Preheat the oven to 400°.
2. Combine first 7 ingredients in a large bowl. Add beef; mix gently to combine. With moist hands, shape beef mixture into 20 (1 1/2-inch) meatballs.
3. Heat a large cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat. Add half of the meatballs to pan; cook 4 minutes, turning to brown meatballs on all sides. Arrange browned meatballs in a single layer on a jelly-roll pan coated with cooking spray. Repeat procedure with remaining meatballs. Bake meatballs at 400° for 7 minutes or until done.
Serve with brown rice or asian noodles.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
New Photos!
 |
| 9 Months Old - What a Sweetheart! |
Weekly Agency Updates
Our local agency, Children's Home Society & Family Services, provides weekly updates for the various international programs they work with. Sometimes they are brief, sometimes they provide some extra information (like the below).
When Tony or I talk about how many families have gotten to travel this year (so far 13 families have gotten notice to travel in 2012, including the 6 referenced below), or how long families are waiting for girl or boy referrals, this is where we get the information. If you read to the end you'll see there's some fun birthday info too!
I don't plan to share this every week -- it can be kind of boring -- but thought it might be interesting for others to see what kind of details we get. For more on what the abbreviations mean, see the FAQ page for more. (Note that our little guy is an ESWS child).
When Tony or I talk about how many families have gotten to travel this year (so far 13 families have gotten notice to travel in 2012, including the 6 referenced below), or how long families are waiting for girl or boy referrals, this is where we get the information. If you read to the end you'll see there's some fun birthday info too!
I don't plan to share this every week -- it can be kind of boring -- but thought it might be interesting for others to see what kind of details we get. For more on what the abbreviations mean, see the FAQ page for more. (Note that our little guy is an ESWS child).
April 10, 2012
This weekly program update line is intended to provide a brief overview of recent activity in the Korea Program. All activity that directly affects you will not be posted here until you have been notified. Please remember to contact your social worker or specialist for more information specific to your own adoption process.
During the last week, April 2-6, the following happened in the Korea Program.
Referrals and Acceptances
There were 0 referral received.
Please note that referrals are not accepted by families the same week they are given out.
There were 0 referral received.
Please note that referrals are not accepted by families the same week they are given out.
There were 0 acceptances last week.
Travel Notifications
There were 6 travel notifications received last week.
There were 6 travel notifications received last week.
Emigration Permission Status
Currently the Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare is processing the emigration permissions for children whose acceptance paperwork was sent to ESWS through February 10, 2011 with the exception of some cases through our Waiting International Child Program. It is not typical that SWS contacts CHSFS when emigration permission submissions are made, but we will certainly communicate with SWS families as we receive more information.
Currently the Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare is processing the emigration permissions for children whose acceptance paperwork was sent to ESWS through February 10, 2011 with the exception of some cases through our Waiting International Child Program. It is not typical that SWS contacts CHSFS when emigration permission submissions are made, but we will certainly communicate with SWS families as we receive more information.
Families Waiting For Referrals
As of this update, there are 21 families waiting for girl referrals and 7 families waiting for boy referrals in the Regular (non-Heritage Program). Based on the current numbers of families waiting for referrals, new families coming into the Korea Program are being given the following timelines to wait for referrals. (This refers to the time expected to wait in order to be presented with a referral for the first time.)
As of this update, there are 21 families waiting for girl referrals and 7 families waiting for boy referrals in the Regular (non-Heritage Program). Based on the current numbers of families waiting for referrals, new families coming into the Korea Program are being given the following timelines to wait for referrals. (This refers to the time expected to wait in order to be presented with a referral for the first time.)
The following are the new current times to wait for referrals.
- Boy referral wait: 2-4 months
- Girl referral wait: 6-13 months
Heritage Families
There are currently 5 families waiting in the Heritage Program for referrals.
There are currently 5 families waiting in the Heritage Program for referrals.
For families matched with a child from ESWS
An update most recently consists of photographs and measurements. This is a great improvement compared to over a year ago when we were struggling even to receive this. These photographs and measurements are coming pretty regularly--about every 2-3 months. Sometimes, matched families from ESWS also receive a developmental checklist with notes as to the child’s habits, personality, etc. Some developmental checklists have additional handwritten notes by the social worker, others do not. The Korean worker is not required to make these additional notes and adds them at their own descretion.
An update most recently consists of photographs and measurements. This is a great improvement compared to over a year ago when we were struggling even to receive this. These photographs and measurements are coming pretty regularly--about every 2-3 months. Sometimes, matched families from ESWS also receive a developmental checklist with notes as to the child’s habits, personality, etc. Some developmental checklists have additional handwritten notes by the social worker, others do not. The Korean worker is not required to make these additional notes and adds them at their own descretion.
For families matched with a child from SWS
Because families currently matched and waiting for children from SWS are considered Waiting International Child Program cases, the updates come from SWS as tests are performed or as questions are submitted by the families. If more than 6-7 months passes from the time of acceptance, SWS does send a general update on the child. These updates include developmental and physical updates and usually a video of the child.
Because families currently matched and waiting for children from SWS are considered Waiting International Child Program cases, the updates come from SWS as tests are performed or as questions are submitted by the families. If more than 6-7 months passes from the time of acceptance, SWS does send a general update on the child. These updates include developmental and physical updates and usually a video of the child.
First Birthday Updates
A child’s first birthday is equally important in Korea as in the United States. Children in care have their first birthdays recognized and in almost all cases, a little celebration is held for the child. There is also a traditional “tohl jahbee” via which the child grabs an object from a collection of objects and the chosen object, per tradition, represents what the child will be when he/she grows up. Both SWS and ESWS provide one-year updates on the children, but it sometimes takes up to 4-5 weeks AFTER the first birthday for Children's Home to receive the update. There are a variety of reasons for the delay including scheduling of the celebration by the foster family, a later date coming in for the check-up, pictures that they want to develop before sending, etc. The update usually includes any details about the birthday celebration, what the child grabbed in the “tohl jahbee” and developmental updates. Sometimes photographs are also sent. We ask for your patience in waiting for these First Birthday Updates.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Technically Speaking
Though it is only mid-morning here (Friday), technically speaking it is tomorrow (Saturday) in Seoul. That means our little guy is officially 9 months old! I'm hoping we receive an update with new photos sometime soon, though it is possible we won't get updates each month (if/when we do, I will post them right away).
I hope he is having the sweetest of dreams right now. How I wish I could lean down and kiss those cute little cheeks!
I hope he is having the sweetest of dreams right now. How I wish I could lean down and kiss those cute little cheeks!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Sharing in the Excitement
I previously mentioned that Tony and I have different approaches to how and when we share our news with others (surprising, I know!). Tony would prefer to continue keeping things a secret while I am ready to share it with anyone and everyone. Our compromise: he's told a few close friends and his family; I've been quietly sharing the news as opportunities arise. We are both keeping it off Facebook and other public forums.
As I have been sharing the news, I've found that I don't feel the sense of excitement I thought I would feel. Now, before you start judging me, know that initially there was a great sense of excitement, lots of smiling and even some jumping around and being giddy. But now, a couple of months in, it seems unreal. Just a series of "to-dos" and paperwork. A photo we can look at. Questions we get asked. It's all far away, disconnected.
When I share the news with a friend, sometimes they are so excited and happy for us that they tear up! And my excitement and joy...it doesn't compare with theirs. Maybe it's a self-protection thing (it can be painful and sad to think about all that we are missing while we wait). Maybe it's because I have a heard time getting excited for things until they actually happen (like vacations, where I don't feel like it's "real" until we are actually on our way).
After confiding my fears of being a horrible, cold, insensitive person to one of my friends who is pregnant, she shared with me that, though she can feel the baby kicking and has watched her body change over the past several months, she doesn't even feel like it's real. That was reassuring!
So maybe I'm not alone in this after all. Maybe it's how most soon-to-be moms feel (or, in my case, eventually-will-be mom). :)
As I have been sharing the news, I've found that I don't feel the sense of excitement I thought I would feel. Now, before you start judging me, know that initially there was a great sense of excitement, lots of smiling and even some jumping around and being giddy. But now, a couple of months in, it seems unreal. Just a series of "to-dos" and paperwork. A photo we can look at. Questions we get asked. It's all far away, disconnected.
When I share the news with a friend, sometimes they are so excited and happy for us that they tear up! And my excitement and joy...it doesn't compare with theirs. Maybe it's a self-protection thing (it can be painful and sad to think about all that we are missing while we wait). Maybe it's because I have a heard time getting excited for things until they actually happen (like vacations, where I don't feel like it's "real" until we are actually on our way).
After confiding my fears of being a horrible, cold, insensitive person to one of my friends who is pregnant, she shared with me that, though she can feel the baby kicking and has watched her body change over the past several months, she doesn't even feel like it's real. That was reassuring!
So maybe I'm not alone in this after all. Maybe it's how most soon-to-be moms feel (or, in my case, eventually-will-be mom). :)
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