I previously mentioned that Tony and I have different approaches to how and when we share our news with others (surprising, I know!). Tony would prefer to continue keeping things a secret while I am ready to share it with anyone and everyone. Our compromise: he's told a few close friends and his family; I've been quietly sharing the news as opportunities arise. We are both keeping it off Facebook and other public forums.
As I have been sharing the news, I've found that I don't feel the sense of excitement I thought I would feel. Now, before you start judging me, know that initially there was a great sense of excitement, lots of smiling and even some jumping around and being giddy. But now, a couple of months in, it seems unreal. Just a series of "to-dos" and paperwork. A photo we can look at. Questions we get asked. It's all far away, disconnected.
When I share the news with a friend, sometimes they are so excited and happy for us that they tear up! And my excitement and joy...it doesn't compare with theirs. Maybe it's a self-protection thing (it can be painful and sad to think about all that we are missing while we wait). Maybe it's because I have a heard time getting excited for things until they actually happen (like vacations, where I don't feel like it's "real" until we are actually on our way).
After confiding my fears of being a horrible, cold, insensitive person to one of my friends who is pregnant, she shared with me that, though she can feel the baby kicking and has watched her body change over the past several months, she doesn't even feel like it's real. That was reassuring!
So maybe I'm not alone in this after all. Maybe it's how most soon-to-be moms feel (or, in my case, eventually-will-be mom). :)
Oh Tonya! I think this is so normal. It wasn't real for me for months *after* I had Tas. I was happy but others were overjoyed. I was not a blissed out, over the moon in love new Mama and I didn't even have a touch of post-partum depression to blame it on. It gradually built day by day as I got to know Tas better and now it's fierce. And to top it of the thing that's real for you now are mountains of anything-but-joyful forms. Don't expect to feel a certain way - you may never and know that how you do feel is ok. And remember, we're all hearing it for the first time you've had time to settle into it a little.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sieglinde! I will say that I was pretty darn excited to share the news with book club, and it was fun that you were all excited in return. I think that some of it for me is all of the questions that immediately follow, especially trying to help the other person understand why the wait is so long. It would be awesome if the questions were just "when are you due" "have you picked a name/found out the sex" and "how are you feeling"! Those seem so much easier to answer (though I'm sure many women get tired of those questions too).
DeleteI so admire the courage that it took for you to admit those feelings out loud! I think that more moms do feel this way, but for fear of being judged or misunderstood, they keep quiet about it. I can relate to your friend who posted first. I was really not excited about being pregnant and even after he was born, I felt completely overwhelmed and under prepared! I think you have a harder time with your situation, because it truly is more unbearable to think that your child has been born, but not with you yet. Hang in there! *hugs* :)
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