Children are Coming Home (Finally!)

It is with great joy that I announce....children are finally joining their families! After 9+ months of no travel home, two U.S. families have officially wound their way through the process and received approval to bring their children home.

While there hasn't been movement in our case, the fact that families are moving through and reaching the final approval is a great sign. We are hopeful that more and more families will join the ranks of those two pioneers! 

Tony and I continue to take the information we receive and the details of the current process with a grain of salt, knowing things could change before our turn comes up. We have learned, however, that families are finalizing in Korea with an IR-3 Visa, instead of the previous method of receiving an IR-4 Visa and finalizing 5 or 6 months later in the U.S. This is great news as it means Oliver will be legally ours when we come home (there will still be some legal actions needed once we are home, but official custody will lie with us). Yeah!

Probably a Taboo Subject, But Posting it Anyway

Sometimes I wonder how the emotions of the adoption journey that I'm on compare to those a first-time expectant (a.k.a. pregnant) woman experiences on her journey. Kind of a taboo subject, I know, but something that's been on my mind (and filling me with guilt) for a long time now. As this blog is for my own musings, I thought I would just go for it. 

I wonder, does she, like me, feel generally disconnected from her coming child, someone she's not yet met and only seen in pictures (albeit our photos are a bit less alien-looking than hers)? Or does feeling the baby move and knowing that life is growing within her create a strong emotional connection right off the bat?

Does she have a few moments of overwhelming positive emotion (desire to meet them, 'love' for them, excitement about their arrival), but typically finds herself just fulfilling items on a to-do list? Or is she swooning with love and excitement and anticipation most of the time?

Does she feel isolated and unsupported, even though those around her are trying to encourage and offer their love and support? Or is there some kind of primal connection that happens among women once you become pregnant, like joining a secret society?

For years I imagined how wonderful it would be to have life growing inside me (morning sickness, swelling body, etc., aside). How connected I would feel -- feeling a love for the unborn child that was unmatched to anything previously experienced…a continuous and strong love. 

But now? I have to admit that I often feel….removed from the whole situation. Disconnected. I have never seen (let alone felt) Oliver move, heard him make noise, touched him, smelled him. For as much as I get all caught up in the emotion of receiving the photos, in actuality I don't know much of anything about him. I know stats -- height, weight, a few details about what he can do. Is that how it is for an expectant mother, too? She has an ultrasound and is over the moon with excitement and is filled with emotion, but then finds the excitement and emotion fading as daily life takes over again?

For as emotional as some of our friends and family are about the adoption and the wait, I generally feel bogged down. And nervous! Bogged down with endless decisions that I feel unprepared for (what car seats to get? what size clothes will he need? what baby proofing do we really need to do? where are we going to put his toddler dishes? what about diapers? what will we tell him when he asks about his birth family or foster family? how will we answer the tough adoption questions?). Bogged down by the endless waiting…only to be told to wait more. And nervous about what kind of parent I am going to be and how bringing a child into our family will change things (I know that expectant women feel this too!).

My Mother-in-Law, who is beside herself with excitement and anticipation, told me recently that she's so excited for us because she knows what's coming. She knows how Oliver will change (and improve) our lives. She knows what that love feels like and how it will fill us up to overflowing. Perhaps that's it right there. As a non-parent, and as a person with little to no interaction with kids, I have no idea what to expect (or do once he's here). Absolutely.No.Idea.

And truthfully, I can't wait for her to be proven right. I've said it before and I will say it again -- I don't "do" change very well. And this is a MAJOR change. I also know that when situations are tough, I raise my defenses by disconnecting myself, emotionally, as much as possible (and when I let my guard down, you can find me crying in the ladies room at work, or in my car driving to the grocery store, as those are the two places it seems to happen most). Maybe I would have done this during a pregnancy, too. Who knows!

But I cannot wait to feel for this little boy what my heart desires to feel -- love, unending love. 

For a recap of how we came to be where we are today, here's a link to something I posted in August 2012 that summarizes our journey. Click here to read it.

23 Months: He's Nearly 2!

My email stalking has paid off as we just got new photos of Oliver! I can't quite explain how exciting and emotional it is to receive the email (or how frustrating it is when one doesn't arrive when expected). After days (or more) of constantly checking for new messages, when I see the subject line and the sender, my heart leaps. My chest tightens a touch. My eyes widen and sometimes a little tear forms. My breath catches and there's a audible gasp. I can't wait to open the email and yet I often wait for a second, enough time to text or email Tony to have him check his own account too.

Then finally...the reveal. The three pictures. Usually action shots, often not clear pictures of his face. But it's him (except for that one month where I just wasn't sure; see this post for more). And I'm so happy to see him. And so sad to have missed more time with him.

Once we get the photos, there's a flurry of editing, uploading (so we can print off copies), sending them to the grand parents, and of course posting them on the blog! 

This month's photos show him with the items from our 7th care package (not his birthday package, but the one just before that). As Tony knows, I'm a stickler about clean teeth, so it warms my heart that one of the photos is him "brushing" (okay, chewing) with the toothbrush we sent! 

It's hard to believe that next month he will be two. Click over to his page for the other photos we received.