U.S. Embassy

Oliver has been with us for over 3 days now. We are most certainly in survival mode, and most parents of toddlers would probably have a lot of laughs at our attempt at parenting! We are truly winging it here...and I can't tell you how badly I wish we at least spoke the same language. Sometimes he just gets so frustrated at us because we can't make out what he's saying. It has to be so hard for him. 

Speaking of hard for him, sleeping is probably the time when he mourns the most, usually ending in a tantrum and then sleep. Last night there wasn't a tantrum, but it was even worse as he was just sad and confused and angry (and up until after midnight). So hard. Luckily he just fell asleep for his daily nap without a tantrum or any real fussing! Yeah!!

The first two nights bath time was something he wanted and was excited for. Yesterday we hit the "kiddie" pool, which wasn't as shallow as we would have liked. But, with limited opportunity to help him burn off energy, we figured we'd try it (holding on to him, etc.). He did slip once and got water in his face a few times when he wasn't expecting it. Not sure if that's what changed bath time, but he refused both last night and again this morning. Tonight he's taking a bath no matter what, but we have been trying so hard to be careful of our battles -- we desperately need to build trust, so if he's afraid and we force it, not sure how that will impact our relationship. I guess we will find out.

Today was our U.S. Embassy visit. I won't even start on how our morning went, how long everything takes us, how when Tony suggested running some errands early this morning I panicked and asked him to wait (I don't know how to feed Oliver and I, take my shower and get ready, get Oliver ready and get all of us ready for the embassy by myself!), etc. Bottom line -- we made it to our appointment on time! We got to go to the front of the long line, turn in our cell phones and head upstairs. Oliver was so full of energy he was all over the place in the waiting room! When our turn came we were asked to swear that our answers were truthful (regarding the online forms we completed on our last trip). Tony's fingerprint was taken. Then we "sat" back down (or ran around after a crazy two year old). In just under an hour we were all set! Our visa packet is in hand -- to be opened only by the U.S. officials when we land. We also have his passport! It's a Korean passport, but he will become a U.S. Citizen when the plane hits the ground. Yeah!

Apparently the crazy running around and multiple tantrums didn't deter us enough and we stopped for lunch at a Pork Cutlet and Curry place on our way home (we know he likes crispy meat and rice, and it seems easier to try to eat than soup or noodles served in soup). Our very first attempt at eating out! It went....okay. I honestly don't know how people do this. It was so hard, and tiring, and I basically inhaled what I thought was an okay amount of food while I tried to keep Oliver from getting out of control, out of the seat, or into something he shouldn't get into.

Oliver and I have been bonding pretty well. He and Tony are hot and cold. They have lots of fun times playing together, and sometimes Oliver will go to him for cuddles, kisses (po-pos), let Tony feed him, etc. But he also tends to literally push Tony away or refuse to let him feed, cuddle and kiss him. I'm sure in the long run it will all be okay, but Tony and I both expected that I'd be the one he pushed away. 

Anyway, nap time is only for another hour or so and I could use a minute of rest before we get back to it. And though we are now free to leave the country with Oliver, we are still going to stay through Christmas. A few more quieter days here will be nice, and while our Christmas here won't be much of anything special (I can't seem to find anything special to do, or to eat/cook), it will be nice to be together as a family. I'm pushing for us to try this Seoul Kids Museum tomorrow where they apparently have lots of fun things for kids of all ages -- we could use a new place to burn energy and it is good for Tony and I to try to get used to this whole going out with a kid thing. 

Off to rest! Hope you are all enjoying this wonderful Christmas week. While it doesn't feel like Christmas for us, we are certainly enjoying the best gift we could have asked for.

And Away We Go (aka The Craziest Thing I Think I've Ever Done)

I don't have any news to report on the Final Approval front -- we are still waiting to hear that the court has signed off on our case and that we are legally a family. 

I DO have news, however, on a big decision Tony and I have made.

....We are going to Korea anyway....

Crazy, right? 

• No Final Approval (yet). 
• No scheduled transfer of custody (our agency hasn't been able to coordinate our taking custody yet, which we can do before final approval is issued, so long as we sign a million forms!).
• No place to stay (yet; that's next on our list).
• No appointment at the U.S. Embassy for our Visa Interview.

But we are going anyway. Our hope (and request) is that we can take custody Friday, with our back up request being Monday, allowing us to be a family of 3 on Christmas!

What does that all mean? It means we leave TOMORROW. Yes, that's right. We booked our flights today and board our first leg for a 5:50 a.m. departure tomorrow. Our trek out there will be filled with stops (Denver, San Francisco, Narita (Japan) then Seoul) and will take us about 24 hours of traveling, plus the 15 hours time difference. We land in Seoul Thursday night. 

Thanks to Tony's talent using miles and points, we are flying first class (!) on United for the final 3 legs (including the long trip from CA to Japan). Not necessarily the itinerary we had hoped for, but out of pocket the flights are now about $4400 one way -- in economy -- and even then there's not much available. 'Tis the Season!

I can't say we are as ready as I'd like to be. Nor can I say that I'm comfortable with this crazy plan with absolutely nothing being certain. I'm a planner, after all! I like to have my ducks all in a row...perhaps this is the appropriate introduction to parenthood? :)

So, why the impulsive, very "unlike Tony and Tonya" decision? Why such short notice? 
Basically, we don't want to go any longer without Oliver as a part of our family. While I've been struggling with the ups and downs of this whole process, it has finally caught up to Tony too. Yesterday was brutal as we waited to hear...and heard nothing. He watched as flights kept filling. And we realized that if we didn't fly in the next few days, there would be no way to spend Christmas together. 

We're taking a risk. A pretty big one, actually. With how things have gone for our family during this process, who knows how long the judge will take issuing our final approval! But, we will just have to face the potential consequences when they come...if they come. 

If you are the praying type, please please please pray that all of the pieces fall into place. Specifically:

• All of our flights there go well and we don't miss any connections
• Custody transfer gets arranged and is either Friday (ideally) or Monday
• Final approval is issued this week
• Visa interview is early next week, or Thursday at the latest
• Our visa is issued on the spot and we are cleared to return home on our scheduled flight, Friday, Dec 27th.
• And of course pray for Oliver and his Foster Family. This will be a difficult time for them.

Okay. Well, I better get back to all that needs to be done before we leave! The house isn't ready....car seats aren't installed....packing is nearly done but not fully ready....etc. I will work to keep the blog updated as best I can.

I can't believe this is happening!! 

Initial Approval

We (finally) heard from our agency today and we have received initial approval from the court! Actually, we received initial approval on 11/28 (Thanksgiving), but our local agency was closed for the holiday. Now, before you get too excited and before you complete the "when do you leave" question, know this:
We do not know if we are in the 14 day wait OR if the Judge will be taking any additional steps before our case enters the 14 day wait.

That's right. Surprise surprise....we still don't know what's going on! At least we are used to living in the unknown. I'll update when we know more, but until then I will be incessantly checking my email. :)

In other news, the post-Korea cold went from bad to...well...bad. I'm glad we had the long weekend as I needed some quality time not moving around, hunkered under the blankets. However, I also needed to get a lot done in those four days! So, busy times ahead (and still trying to overcome this darn cold). I'd hate to leave on a sour note, though, so check out this handsome guy!

Dad is pushing Oliver on a little plane

We played a lot of in and out of the car.

Home & More Photos

Tony and I made it home safely and without delay on Sunday. We left Japan at 3:30 pm Sunday and, after about 12 hours in the air, landed in Minneapolis at 11:00 am Sunday. Neither of us slept on the plane and we both tried to stay awake until a reasonable bed time, meaning we were up for about 30 hours. Yuck! We both worked Monday so we jumped right into the thick of things. Unfortunately I woke up sick Tuesday morning (and thanks to a heavy work load at the office and a few comments from the boss about the difficulty of my absence, no opportunity to stay home). Between jet lag, illness, thanksgiving travel and more...I am only now able to sit down and post a few more photos from our stay.

So, let's go back in time...back to Korea. Now that we are home I have better access to the photos Tony took, so we will begin with a few pictures from our first meeting with Oliver:

That's me, photo bombing my own son!

So happy we had interactive time during our first meeting.

The elephant backpack was a hit! He didn't want to leave it with us. He is so cute.

And our second meeting:

We played in-and-out, in-and-out of the car quite a bit.

A little Daddy and Oliver time

When we weren't visiting with Oliver or going to court, we were able to play tourist. We made our way to a number of areas of Seoul, mostly via the subway. Seoul is a massive city, and a beautiful combination of old and new. We would be walking down a multi-lane, busy street lined with tall modern skyscrapers and boom -- there's a temple. Amid the modern, there's the historic and traditional with cars driving by and all. What a sight! In general the people were friendly and the city was reasonably clean and safe. English was not a common second language, but for the most part we managed okay. Here are just a few photos from our trips around the city:

This temple compound was very large, and just on the edge of a bustling business district.
The mountains are in the background. 

Part of the same temple compound. Beautiful and peaceful.

The North Seoul Tower sits on top of a mountain right in the middle of the city.
We didn't go up into the tower, but from the area around the tower you can see a vast amount of the city.
 It was a great spot to get an idea of just how large the city is. 

A view from the top

Tony and I had a lovely Thanksgiving with family. Unfortunately we have not yet heard any update on our family's case, so we are still waiting for initial approval. Given the holiday and now the weekend, we are hopeful for news early next week. In the meantime we are both looking to start feeling 100% again -- jet lag for both of us, and for me this cold that doesn't want to ease up.

I hope you have all enjoyed Thanksgiving and are having a wonderful weekend!

Eating in Korea

When Tony and I travel we always enjoy trying some of the local foods. Actually, one of my favorite things to do in a new country is visit the local grocery store. I find it fascinating! Heading to Korea, however, I was pretty nervous about what foods we would be eating. While I do like to try new foods, I also prefer to “play it safe” and eat things that I can identify, etc.  In many Asian cultures, the foods are less identifiable, at least to my Midwestern USA eyes.

I have been to a couple of Korean restaurants in the US and Tony’s family sometimes makes Korean food, so I am familiar with a few basis such as Bulgogi, Bibimbap, Japchae and Mandu. My goal for this trip was to keep an open mind and to try street food – a very common thing here, especially in the evenings. So, here are a few things I tried (I’m sorry that I don’t have photos of these, though I am sure an internet search will turn up plenty):

Bibimbap: I got to try this a few times, both in the hot stone bowl (dolsot bibimbap) and without. It is basically a rice dish with a small amount of meat and a variety of vegetables, with a spicy red pepper paste on top. I prefer the stone bowl version as the rice gets crispy and there is a soft egg on top that mixes with the spicy red pepper paste nicely.  Very similar to what I’ve had in the US and one of the easy introductions to Korean cuisine.

Bulgogi: We had this twice – once where it was made and served for us, and once where we cooked it at the table. The meat is sliced extremely thin, thinner than I’ve seen in the US. In general I find it kind of bland. They don’t marinate it in any seasonings, but rather you are to eat it with the assorted kimchi sides (and since I can’t stand kimchi, I end up eating it plain). It was fun to cook it up on our table though, and again it’s an easy introduction to Korean food.

Makgeolli: this is an alcoholic drink, similar to beer or soda. Sweet, bubbly and easy to drink. I think it’s pretty yummy, and apparently it has some health benefits to it (minerals, fibers and active enzymes). Yum!

Soju: this is a must try and a very common drink among Koreans. A bottle of soju is cheaper than soda or water! It has a higher alcohol content than beer or wine, but less than hard alcohol. Unfortunately it doesn’t have much flavor and while I don’t mind it, I don’t love it.

Koong Joong Tteokpoki: Served on a portable burner in a large pot, it is a braised dish of sliced rice cakes, meat/seafood, egg and seasonings like chili (spicy) or bean (more savory) paste. There is also a common version served as street food without all of the meat and seafood. This is where eating gets more adventurous! There are fish cakes, squid (with the little suckers), mussels and more. I ate it all except the mussels, since I don’t care for them and there weren’t too many too go around. Interesting and I know I could eat it again if needed – though I think I liked the bean paste more than the chili paste.

Saengseon Gui: grilled fish, in this case mackerel. Not a big fish fan, but this was decent. It comes as a whole fish, sliced in half. So you pick the meat away from the bones, dip it into a sauce and eat it (all with chopsticks, of course!).

Haemul Pajeon: a form of the Korean pancake made with egg, flour and green onion. Seafood was added to the one we tried. I didn’t love the seafood, but the rest was very tasty.

Mandu: we had several varieties – steamed and fried, filled with a variety of things. Pretty yummy!

Bungeo-bbang: street food! And so very yummy, I could eat these all the time. Fried bread (chewy and a bit sweet) filled with sweet red bean paste and shaped like a carp. Served warm. Perfect for a dessert girl like me! And you can get 3 good sized fish for 1,000 won ($1).

Toast: another street food and another “five star” rating from me. These are little pieces of a sweet chewy bread with an egg in the middle (cooked). Served warm the savory from the egg and the sweet from the bread are a great combo. Also very warming on a cold night. One toast is 1,000 won and they are sold at the same stands as the bungeo-bbang.

We’ve also tried some snacks (no idea what they are; sold like chips in the convenience store), buns (dough filled with meats or sweets), soups (served with meals and I have no idea what they are), tofu (part of the food tour….and it was just regular tofu) and more. We also tried McDonalds and Burger King – both have a bulgogi burger that Tony really likes. Seoul has a lot of fast food restaurants with menus similar but different to what we have in the US. There are also so many coffee shops. You can easily see 5 shops in one building with 3 of them being coffee shops. Coffee is a bit more expensive here, but on par with what we are used to.

While I was nervous about eating here in Seoul (and we did avoid many places without a menu in English), I have found several things I enjoy. Maybe now I will feel more comfortable looking through the Korean cook books I have at home! Now we are off to the airport. Tony is excited to check it out – apparently it’s one of the top airports in the world (with a golf course, movie theater and more AT the airport!). Now it is on to Japan for our overnight, then back to Minnesota.

Court & a General Update

Our Court Appointment

First, thank you to all who have been sending us prayers and kind notes about today. We really appreciate them! When we landed in Los Angeles we learned from our US agency that we were assigned to the more strict judge, the one who has been known to be so thorough as to slow down the process for many families. We didn't know how strict he would be in person, so we've been a bit worried as we've waited for today to come.

This morning we woke up, dressed up and headed downstairs to meet the five other families going to court today. It took nearly an hour in traffic to get to the court house, then we sat in the hall and waited our turn. Surprisingly, Tony was pretty nervous all morning but I wasn't too bad. We did manage to get a photo of us waiting to go in (ignore my crazy hair -- it was promptly fixed after I saw the photo!).

When our turn came, we were called into the room and sat on one side of a long table. Our social worker served as a translator and sat next to us. The Judge was in the front of the room behind a large desk. He seemed friendly and asked us the following questions:

1. Mostly to Tony: Do you speak Korean?

2. Both: Explain what you do for your job in detail.

3. Me: Do you plan to work after you bring the child home? If so, who will take care of him?

4. Tony: How severe is your asthma and when do you have problems with it?

5. Both: How do we resolve conflicts in our marriage?

6. Both, a follow up: When compromise doesn't work, how do we solve conflicts or come to an agreement? (this was a hard one for our social worker to translate; I have a feeling he didn't really get an answer)

7. Have we met our child and how did we feel when we met him.

8. Any final statement for the court?

It took all of 10 minutes, including the difficulty in translation. After we were all done with court, we headed out for a traditional Korean BBQ lunch and a bit of relaxing. 

I know everyone is curious about "what's next" so here is a summary of what should happen:

1. In the next few business days the Judge will issue Initial Approval. When he issues this, a letter is sent to ESWS (the Korean agency), who will then let CHSFS (the US agency) know. We should at that point know if we are in the 14 day wait or if the judge is taking additional action (i.e., recontacting the birth mother) first.

2. There is then a 14 day wait, which is part of the legal system here. So, depending on when Initial Approval is given AND whether the judge is taking additional steps, we could begin our 14 days as early as sometime next week, or it may be an extra week or two.

3. At the end of the 14 days, the judge issues Final Approval. Again, the approval is mailed to ESWS who then contacts CHSFS, so this could take a few days. 

4. CHSFS calls or emails us to tell us we have Final Approval -- and we book our return trip!

As you can see, we don't have a solid idea of how long this will take. We don't know if we will be back in Korea before the holidays, during the holidays or after. We are officially back in the waiting game. However, we are hopeful that the judge will move things along quickly.

A General Update

Our time in Korea has been pretty good. Cold and windy, but otherwise good (and whatever bug I had eased up on Wednesday, so I was thankful for that).  It's a very busy city, with many places open from 10 or 10:30 am until 4 or 4:30 am. Overall it feels safe and most of the areas are clean and well lit. I would never want to drive here, though. Driving seems as crazy or more crazy than New York.

Tony has mastered the subway system, of course! We've also done a lot of walking, shopping (because it's inside) and a bit of sight seeing. One evening we went on a food tour with another couple here to adopt, a mother and daughter that stayed on our floor, and another women here on vacation. We had fun checking out traditional Korean restaurants, wondering through back alleys we would never have found by ourselves, trying a variety of foods we probably wouldn't have tried on our own, and enjoying some of the typical Korean adult beverages. I don't have time to post on all of that now, but here's a photo of our group:

We were also blessed to meet two lovely families staying on the floor with us (including the mother and daughter who came on the food tour). They flew home this morning and I have to admit, the floor is very quiet now. It feels a little lonely! I am so glad we got to know them. 

Tonight we are heading to the North Seoul Tower to check out the city lights, and tomorrow we fly out to Narita for our overnight in Japan (and probably a bit of sushi). There is of course much more I could post, but I'm running out of steam and need to wrap up.  As with most travels, we are looking forward to being back home, back in our own bed, etc. It's strange to leave a place so far from home knowing we will be back soon. 

Our Second Meeting Plus More Photos from the First

Let me start by saying wow....I am so glad I finally got some sleep! Tony and I have been trying to follow the time change rule and have been trying to go to bed at a regular time. Unfortunately I have trouble falling asleep, and we both can't seem to stay asleep. Last night we went to bed just after 10:30 and we managed to fall back asleep after waking up during the night. We didn't get up until 7! Feeling a bit refreshed.

So, it's 7:30 am and nothing here is open yet. Seoul is more of a night city than a morning city, with the nearby Dunkin Donuts being the only restaurant that opens before 8:00 or 9:00. I'm doing a load of laundry (and hoping it turns out. No idea which was the detergent, no idea which of the three slots you put it in....so I put a little in each. No idea how much to use and only a minimal idea of what setting we are washing on!). Drinking the instant coffee and thought I would post a few photos.

Here are a couple of photos from our first meeting that the social worker took. Our first family pictures!

We have learned that when someone takes a picture, he puts his fingers up like this to say "take a picture"

This photo was taken very early in the first meeting. He was just beginning to warm to us.

Yesterday we had some time to explore Seoul before our second meeting. We were up by 4:45 and both really tired, so our adventures began early but groggy. Unfortunately some of the places we planned to visit had listed their hours of operation incorrectly. We arrived and found ourselves with nothing open. But don't worry! The local Costco opens at 8:00 a.m.!! So, on to Costco we went. Tony was pretty excited to check it out. Overall it was similar to ours (though two levels instead of one huge level). Of course some food items are different, but many are the same. They did have a much larger meat section, small liquor section and far more sample stations than I've seen before. We tried their version of pizza (similar but not the same) and a bulgolgi bake in the cafe as well. We didn't buy anything -- hard to lug a Costco sized item around on the subway. But, it was fun to check out both the Costco and another neighborhood.

Our second meeting was at 2:00. We got into the elevator to go down to the first floor, but someone else on board had selected a stop on the third floor. When it opened, Oliver was in the waiting area -- and he recognized us! It was hard not to jump out right then! When we did get back up to see him, we went into a different play room that had a bunch of toys. Our second meeting didn't go as smoothly as our first. To start, he was all over. Literally. He went from toy to toy to toy, never stopping and never wanting to play. He tried to climb on top of a big car (very dangerous) and would not be deterred. He was being very willful and was not as interested in us this time. Honestly, after 20 minutes we were both exhausted!

He did settle down for a few minutes here and there so we could interact with him more directly. He also hit and punched me in the face, threw a full on temper tantrum, ran away from us and would not listen to anyone -- us, the social worker or his foster mom. Overall it was a difficult visit and one that left Tony and I feeling more "uh oh" than "how sweet!". We did get kisses and hugs at the end, but boy are we going to have our hands full. Here are a few photos from the meeting.

He knows how to use the iPhone -- how to select pictures, move between them and enlarge them. Here he is demanding we give him my phone. He was stomping around with his hand up trying to get it.

And here he is still demanding it, getting more and more upset that we aren't giving in.
We can tell he's used to getting things this way.

A moment of quiet interaction. Didn't last long, but it was nice to play with him!

Today we are doing laundry and then going to see one of the temples and some of the historic areas of Seoul.  Tonight we are doing a "Korean Nights" food tour with a few folks that should be fun. Tomorrow we also have the full day to do as we wish. Friday we have our court appointment. We learned that we have the strict judge that often slows the entire process down by weeks and weeks. We are praying that our case is not one of those. 

The Moment

Each parent is blessed with the opportunity of meeting their child for the first time. Regardless of how the child came to be a part of the family, there is that moment when you first lay eyes on them or first feel their skin against yours. For Tony and I, that moment happened today at approximately 9:55 a.m. 

Before I get to the moment, let me talk a bit about getting ready for the big meeting. As previously posted, we brought many gifts with us. Luckily they all fit in our luggage and they made the trip without breaking, leaking or crushing. We got them bagged and ready to go, along with Oliver's elephant back pack full of toys, snacks and more.

Our meeting was scheduled to begin with paperwork at 9:30. Since we were conducting official agency business, we were instructed to dress nicely but in something we could get on the floor and play around in. For this meeting I decided to wear a necklace from my Grandma Ev; we also brought a beanie baby that was given to my during college from my Grams, so both of my grandmother's were part of the big day. 

There are two wonderful, warm and caring families staying on the same floor as us, and one of the women kindly snapped a photo of us just before we went downstairs. Every second that went by brought more anxiety and excitement, and this photo was taken a mere 5 minutes before we met our social worker at Eastern Social Welfare Society. Here we are, one final photo of us before this whole parenthood thing becomes even more real!

We were greeted in the office by Mrs. Shin, who has worked with Oliver and his foster mother since he was first placed in her care. She is a sweet, kind and patient woman and we are so glad to have her involved in Oliver's life. After completing the visa paperwork, we were taken upstairs for the big meeting. We were running a bit ahead of schedule and didn't know they were already here. As the elevator doors opened onto the third floor we saw a woman and child sitting on the couch in the common area. Both faces we had seen countless times before, now here in the flesh. Immediately, his foster mother "introduced" us as Umma and Appa (Mommy and Daddy in Korean), though he didn't react to us much and just wanted to get down and run around. So our moment occurred in the common area of the third floor at Easter Social Welfare Society as we stepped off an elevator. Unexpected, but very welcomed!

We expected him to be timid of us at first, and he was. As much as we wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him, we held back and just stayed near him. The two big ice breakers were stickers and bubbles. He started with the stickers, putting them on his foster mom's face. She was wonderful and kept encouraging him to stick them on us (she encouraged him throughout the meeting to go to us, to play with us, etc.). Once we brought out the bubbles he really starting warming up to us. Here's a very cute photo of him blowing bubbles (in the background you can see his social worker, Mrs. Shin).

Mastering the Art of Blowing Bubbles

Overall, the time together was amazing. I haven't done the meeting justice here, but truthfully I am still a bit under the weather and it's very late here. I'm going to summarize the rest of the meeting and sign off with photos.We get to see him tomorrow for a second (and final) visit. I promise to share more detailed thoughts and emotions in another post soon.

During the meeting we:

- Played more bubbles

- Chewed gum he gave us (should a 28 month old really be chewing gum??)

- Ate the peanut cookie he fed us

- Held him on our laps

- Picked him up

- Were given hugs and kisses...multiple times! (**melted my heart)

- Read a book

- Played with more bubbles

- Rolled a ball, a truck and a car back and forth

- realized how exhausting a toddler is going to be and how willful he is! 

Tony and I are both so happy to finally meet him. I can't wait to see him tomorrow! For now, it's off to bed. Here are the final pictures for tonight. 

Bubbles were a big hit. Thank you Kate for having an extra bottle on hand!

Gifts, Procrastination and Plans

Just over one week ago we were issued our court date, and in less than two weeks we will meet Oliver for the first time. Tony and I are very excited! We are also very busy preparing for the trip. 

While I am not a procrastinator by nature, I will admit that I have put off doing nearly all things related to the adoption (except for the paperwork, which always seems to be needed "ASAP" and, as it turns out, is something I'm especially good at doing). I simply couldn't bring myself to purchase cute items for Oliver's room, shop for an outfit to wear to court, buy the gifts we would be needing on this first trip. Truthfully, it was emotionally painful to be actively preparing for something that could, in reality, never come to fruition. Thanks to good old facebook I have often been reminded that I am way behind what all of the other parents are doing (thanks, social media!). 

Now the time has come and I am paying the price for my previous procrastination. One area that has been particularly stressful is the gift giving. In Korean culture gift giving is an important component of social interaction and showing respect and appreciation. Our agency provided us with some suggestions, but it's still a challenge to know what the right gift will be for everyone. In addition, how can we adequately express our appreciation with material items? After much hemming and hawing, shopping and googling, we are pretty much done. I just hope we have chosen wisely!

For the Foster Family, we have put together a mix of items: a Coach Purse and a Lancome Gift Set for the Foster Mother; Twins Hats and a bottle of bourbon or whiskey (to be purchased duty-free at the airport) for the Foster Dad and Brother; and some gifts for the family -- a jar of local honey, a box of Godiva mixed chocolates, a bottle of Centrum Silver, Pistachios and mixed nuts (we have been told nuts are expensive in Korea and that they make a good gift). In addition we have a letter translated that we will paste into the card.

Gift for the foster family

For the Social Worker we have the same Lancome Gift Set as we are giving to the Foster Mom, a scented candle and a box of Godiva mixed chocolates. We will also paste a letter into the card.




For the Agency Staff we are bringing an assortment of office supplies, instant Starbucks coffee and a big bin of biscotti. 

*must refrain from eating the biscotti myself!

Finally, the easiest gift is the donation to the Agency along with a letter (translated) of thanks to the director. 

Whew! Now, fitting all of this in our luggage is going to be a challenge. I have absolutely no idea how we are going to make it all work! Good thing the guest house has a washer and dryer, I may not be able to fit very many clothes!

Now that the gifts are pretty much done, it's on to other details that need to be worked out. I don't know how much planning Tony and I can do before we arrive in Korea. I know we will have some time to be tourists, but we are unsure of when we will need to be available for Agency business (i.e., meeting with the Director, having lunch with the agency, possibly seeing Oliver a second time, etc.). I do know that I will in fact get to see my brother while we are in LA (yeah!), and I'm looking forward to that. We have some shopping to do for ourselves (many women wear suits to court -- I should have shopped for one a long time ago; we need a few travel-related items, etc.). And we are still working to get things settled in our newly carpeted house. So the Meyers' home is a busy place!

Before I sign off for the day, please know that Tony and I won't be posting anything about our trip on Facebook -- and it is doubtful that we will have the opportunity to put together nice email updates for everyone. I will try to update the blog if time allows, so check here for updates while we are away. Thanks!

It's Set

Our first meeting -- more than 21 months in the making -- has been set! We will be meeting Oliver at 10:00 Monday morning, November 18th. Oh my! Less than 3 weeks away. We will also get to meet his foster mom, which will be wonderful. This woman who has loved and cared for him. Nurtured and guided him. I can't imagine how she is and will be feeling. Tony and I have been keeping her and the rest of her family (husband and adult son) in our prayers. If you are the praying type, please consider adding them to yours.

Back to the meeting...
It's important to remember that we arrive in Seoul at 5:30 or 6:00 pm Sunday night, that we will be jet lagged, turned around in the new city, tired from days of travel, etc. And we need to meet with our Korean social worker at 9:30 to go over paperwork. So we will be in country for just over 12 hours when all of this takes place. [insert panic-filled deep breath here]

The silver lining is that we were able to reserve a room at the agency's guest house, so we will be right there (or maybe a building over) -- no need to navigate the subway or communicate with a non-english speaking cab driver first thing in the morning. Whew! 

We have heard that the guest house rooms are okay...they sound more dorm-like than hotel-like. However, there's community kitchen space, a washer and dryer (though someone posted a photo of the korean setting dial...no english instructions posted anywhere!), free wi-fi, and other folks who are dealing with the same stuff we are. And the big bonus is that you are "right there" for every agency appointment. No trekking across town. No getting lost. Just right there. In our overwhelmed, jet lagged, "holy cow is this really happening" state, that will be priceless.

So, while you are enjoying your Sunday evening dinner, we will be meeting our son for the first time. I can't wait! 

We Have a Court Date!

Monday morning, October 28th. I'm sitting at my desk, anxiety levels already rising as I wait and hope for news. Obsessively checking my personal email. Making sure I didn't miss a phone call. And then I see it. The subject says it all: Court Date Assigned!

Praise God!

It's official. Tony and I have been issued our appointment for the Korean Family Court. We will stand before the Judge and answer questions (via a translator) on Friday, November 22nd at 10:30 a.m.

What does this mean?
It means we leave for Korea on Friday, November 15th. As in 2.5 weeks from now! It also means that we will get to meet Oliver soon -- likely November 18th or 19th. Amazing. 

As some of you know, Tony has become quite the expert at collecting credit card points and airline miles. We have benefited from this on a number of occasions, and will be cashing in all (or nearly all) of them for this first trip to Korea. Flying via miles means we have a bit of a journey ahead of us -- including an overnight in LA on the way there (we might get to see my brother, which would be terrific) and an overnight in Narita, Japan on the way home. And given the time and day difference, our final leg of the return flight departs Japan at 3:30 Sunday afternoon, landing in Minneapolis at 11:30 Sunday morning...all November 24th!

Work on Monday, November 25 might be tough.

When will we get to bring Oliver home?
We don't know when we will be making the second trip, and we won't know until after we return from the first trip. There are a few final steps that must take place in Korea before we are granted final approval. Once we receive final approval, we will book our second trip. We may end up celebrating Christmas in Seoul this year -- or New Year's Eve. But no matter what it means Oliver will be coming home soon.

An important note: until we receive the final approval, we are not allowed to share photos and details in public settings (i.e., Face.book). Legally he is not our child and we are being careful to respect the agencies' wishes (a.k.a. demands). Therefore please continue to keep comments and questions off of any social media sites until Tony and I make the big announcement. Thank you!

In Other News
Our house is full of new carpet! The lower level has been fully carpeted; the upper level has had the old carpet replaced with new. That means we have begun setting up Oliver's room...and just in time! 

We were blessed by a number of friends -- and terrific and tireless In-Laws -- giving of their time and energy to help us with all of the moving of furniture, removing of carpet, pulling of staples, etc. Tony and I alone couldn't have managed the job and we are grateful for everyone's help and support. 

Now, it's back to the grindstone. We have a lot to prepare for in such a short time. It still doesn't feel real!

Conference Time, Painting, Moves and Waiting

I'm officially in the midst of the busiest stretch of the year work-wise as we gear up for our Annual Conference. This is my 10th conference (and my 3rd as the sole conference manager), and as usual it's down right crazy -- compounded this year by the departure of one of my coworkers (her last day will be the conference). Two more weeks and I will be home free -- the event is October 10th. I can't wait!

On the home front I've been spending much of my spare time painting -- lots and lots of painting. I'm nearly done, just one more session! Then we will be ready to carpet. Pretty soon we will be able to get Oliver's bedroom all set up. Yeah!

While we are still waiting to learn our court date from the Family Court, we are feeling rather grateful right now to have our case completely through the Ministry of Health and Welfare. Just this week our local agency informed us of some changes taking place with the Ministry. Changes that will no doubt cause a pretty big slowdown for families that are waiting to receive their Emigration Permission. 

Here are the details (copied from the Agency's update, word for word):

Korea Ministry of Health and Welfare Move 

It has been confirmed that the Ministry is moving its offices from Seoul to the new city of Sejong about 2 hours outside of Seoul.  The latest report is that this move will take place in the month of November and possibly as early as October.  It is estimated that the move will have a delaying effect on the emigration permission issuance process, but that has not been addressed officially by either the Ministry or the Korean agencies with whom Children's Home works.  We will continue to monitor the situation and inform you accordingly. 

Korea Ministry of Health and Welfare Staffing Rotation 

Although not confirmed by the Ministry directly, it is being reported by  the Korean agencies that there will also be a rotation of staff in the Ministry at the end of this year or the beginning of next year.  Again, the specific timing around this is unknown. We will continue to monitor the situation and inform you accordingly.

Sejong is a planned city established to contain various government agencies. I'm not sure if the agency staff will live there or commute there -- I hear it is a 90 minute train ride. Either way, it's a big change for a large number of individuals and families. 

We are so glad to be through the Ministry, but my heart goes out to the families still waiting. Hopefully we will have good news about our case soon --- stay tuned!

Chuseok

Somehow we are already more than half way through September. It's been a busy few weeks since my last post, both at work (our big annual conference is just over 3 weeks away) and at home (spending lots of time in the lower level cleaning, prepping and painting). We are frantically trying to complete the work on our lower level as we need to install carpeting -- downstairs (new) and upstairs (replace current) before we travel to Korea. We are actually getting close, though it still feels far away!

We have not yet received a court date, though we have been assured that the court has not requested any additional information nor have they expressed any questions or concerns. I think Tony and I are both doing okay with this particular wait and just hope to learn more in the next two or three weeks.

What we do know: no additional court dates will be assigned this week as Korea celebrates Chuseok, meaning all offices are close from September 18-20 (and remember they are 14 hours ahead of us, so it's already the 18th there). 

Chuseok is basically the Korean Harvest Festival, a time to celebrate good harvest, visit ancestral hometowns and share in large feasts and parties. I think it is, in many ways, similar to our Thanksgiving. Lots of food. Lots of family. Often a bit of travel.

This year Chuseok is on September 19, meaning that the holiday begins on the 18th and ends on the 20th. Ancestors are an important part of the Korean culture, so many families travel to pay their respects, visit tombs and even preform ancestral worship rituals. There are also traditional foods and games that apparently play a big role in the celebration, though I don't know if that's just the internet talking or if families really do keep to tradition during this time.

With any luck the courts will be feeling festive and full of family love next week and we'll hear about a court date! Maybe not. We are trying to be patient and know you are too. 

I'll keep you posted!

Korean Culture & Adoption

International adoption from South Korea has a long history, beginning in 1958. They also have a long history of trying to curb and eliminate international adoption. Their reasoning is valid -- what country wants to be known as a baby exporter, or as a country unable to care for their own? Things aren't black and white, however.

Given the recent changes to the international (and domestic) adoption program, Tony and I have been asked many many questions about why, how, why not, etc. We've also heard a lot of negative comments about the Korean government and law makers and how frustrating and unfair it all is. While we are also quite frustrated and feel it isn't fair to those involved, it is important to remember that our own country is full of flaws. Law makers are not always in touch with the realities of the laws they pass and how they impact the general public. Laws often don't make logical sense; sometimes enacting a new law causes even more difficulty than the issue the law is trying to address. 

With all of that said, today I want to share a link with you from another blog. This is a lengthy article, but worth reading all the way to the very end. It covers some of the history of adoption from Korea, the cultural influences, previous efforts to reduce international and increase domestic adoption, etc. It is a well-cited article and I appreciate that it seems to be coming from a semi-neutral position. If you have a few minutes, it would be great if you could take a look.

Creating a Family blog post: click here

More on the North Korea Situation

Today our agency posted the following update, which I thought might be helpful for some of those worry-prone folks out there (a.k.a. the grandparents! and others too). Tony and I were discussing the situation earlier this week and while we are both concerned and scared, we also realize that the threats are nothing new. We continue to hope that these also amount to a whole lot of nothing, as they often have in the past. 

The below is copied from the weekly update page on our agency's website.

April 11, 2013: Response to Inquiries About North Korea Situation


This addition to the Weekly Update is in response to the recent news surrounding North Korean threats to South Korea and the United States.


Although ongoing media coverage of the situation on the Korean peninsula and government rhetoric is concerning, there is presently no imminent danger on the Korean peninsula.  The U.S. Department of State has not issued any Travel Warning against travel to or in the Republic of Korea (South Korea).  We continue to follow the U.S. Department of State and the U.S. Embassy in this regard.
 
All children in care, the caregivers and the Korean agencies are secure and there is presently no need for them to take any action in response to any threat. 


Please note that all children in care of the Korean agencies are under the guardianship of those agencies.  They are Korean citizens and most have not been issued emigration permission.  The care and the safety of the children is the highest priority of the Korean agencies. 
 

Without any intent of minimizing the current situation, but to provide perspective, it is important to note that there have been threats and/or incidents annually between North and South Koreas for several years recently and although unpredictable and frightening due to the unknowns at the time, these past episodes have subsided and not prevented families from traveling to pick up their children.
 
 

We will continue to monitor the situation and share program-related news with you accordingly.

21 Month Update

The last couple of weeks have been busy, though not particularly noteworthy. We are continuing to work on our lower level (door installation has been the primary focus lately), some spring cleaning has been done (even though it doesn't feel like spring yet), and we celebrated Easter with Tony's family. 

On the adoption front, we don't have much to report. As of this morning it does not seem that any of the remaining 2012 families have cleared the court portion of the process, so everyone is still waiting.

I'm sure you've seen the news coverage on North Korea and the threats and insults that are being made daily. Just today the North Koreans have suggested that all foreigners leave South Korea for their own safety. Many worldwide leaders and analysts suggest that the threats are empty -- and there is a history of empty threats being made. And while I am slightly concerned about what this could mean for the families currently in process to adoption, as well as families like ours, I am trying not to worry about it too much (yet). I pray that the threats are in fact empty and that tensions calm down soon.

But now to the good news -- Oliver is 21 months old and looks happy and healthy! We just received an update today and were glad to have photos showing him with our two most recent packages (package #6 and package #5). The books (and the pen he is playing with in the other photos) didn't come from us, but the cell phone, cds, blanket and monkey did.

It is nice to see that he does in fact receive our packages (though the first one was sent to our agency in mid December, so apparently it took awhile to get there!). Plus, he is so cute and we actually have some great shots of his face. Click over to the Oliver page for all of the images!