Reflections

Recently I was scrolling through many of our Oliver photos: ones we were sent during our wait; the 400+ photos the foster family gave to us when we took custody; ones we took at our first two meetings; and the photos from our time in Korea after we took custody. Much of our time right now is spent living in the moment and planning for the next, but as I scrolled through all of the photos I had an opportunity to once again reflect on Oliver's journey and all of those involved in his still-young life.

In the photos from his foster family we can clearly see that he was loved and adored. This family welcomed him in, met all of his needs, showered him with love and affection, and offered themselves fully to this little boy that would only be in their home for a couple of years (though they likely thought it would only be a year when they first brought him home). They loved him even though they knew it was just for a short time. What an amazing gift and blessing. I will forever be grateful for their family. At the same time, I am sad that we didn't get to spend those first two and a half years with him. I am also sad that he had to say goodbye to his Umma, Appa and brother -- and they had to say goodbye to him. Heartbreaking all around.

Back to the photos, his foster family included a few baby pictures that I am so happy to have (we received one hard copy baby photo early on but that is all we had). Let's flashback...

My heart lurches out of my chest when I see this picture 

What a cutie!

Check out that hair and those chubby cheeks and arms! 

Seeing his baby pictures is also a good reminder of yet another person who has had a large amount of influence over the direction of his life: his birth mother. I don't mention her much in the blog, but she is always part of Oliver's story, life and who he is. I often wonder how she is doing, if she thinks of him often, if she is happy and healthy. I wonder what she looks like, if some of Oliver's habits and traits mimic hers. Curious but grateful for the opportunity to become Oliver's Mom. I can't imagine my life without him!

As I looked at the photos from our time in Korea, it feels like so long ago (but has been less than six months). I've posted about our experiences while we were in Korea, our flight(s) home and the first few weeks / months as a family of three. Of the joys and challenges, of my own struggles with depression, of the sleep deprivation and aggression issues, of the sweet moments and some of our family's firsts.

But this time as I scrolled through the images I thought more about how we have changed. Not about the emotions and specific experiences, but how the three of us have grown together as a family. Oliver's ability to make this major life transition has been incredible. While not without bumps and bruises (physical and emotional), he has generally maintained his happy and energetic personality. In these early photos I can almost feel the uncertainty we all had around each other: two new parents who didn't know what to do and a little one who had didn't really know what was going on. No way to communicate verbally. Us not knowing him and him not knowing us. All of us trying to make the best of what was, quite honestly, a scary, brutal and tough situation. 

Fast forward to today. Not even six months later and we have seen remarkable changes. While Tony and I are still new to parenting and have much to learn (and many more mistakes to make), we are finally all three comfortable with one another. I can't tell you how good that feels. We are still getting to know Oliver, and he us, but we feel like a family. My heart melts on a daily basis at how wonderful he is….I often think I will just burst with love for him. He is beginning to settle in more both at home and with us in general. I'd like to think he is really feeling like our son; and I know that Tony and I are really feeling like his parents. Some things which were nearly untenable before are now manageable and even fun, like our Minnesota Zoo outing over Memorial Day weekend.

Oliver's language continues to grow at a rapid pace. He's even counting! The other night I heard him count for the first time (Tony has heard it several times before). He was counting how many times he poured water over his bath toys: "One, two, three, four, six, twelve, twelve, twelve, twelve." So darn cute! He has also been using "coming" a lot lately, as in "race car coming," "police car coming," etc., as he moves his cars around on the floor. 

Oliver has been loved by many in his nearly three years. I am grateful for each person that has loved him. I don't think he would be doing so well with this transition if it had not been for how he spent the first two and a half years of his life. So much has changed (and will continue to change). I am so happy to be the family that we are today.