we are officially in the midst of the holiday season, and I love it! The Christmas music, lights, decorations, greens, snowmen and Santa Clauses...it warms my heart. This year feels a little different, knowing that it is our last year celebrating the season as a family of 2 (and knowing that Oliver is half a world away and not here to celebrate with us). I am very thankful that he is in a loving Christian home and that he is doing so well. I am sure they are spoiling him, especially on Christmas.
I am also thankful that Tony and I have known all along that he would not be home for this Christmas. There are some families working with our agency who are currently caught in limbo and have been expecting to travel for a couple of months now. Due to the court changes I previously talked about, their files are still pending and it does not look like they will be traveling before the end of the year. I can only imagine how heartbreaking and nerve-wracking that is.
A final note of thankfulness. Several weeks ago Tony, his brother, parents and I travelled south a couple of hours to visit Grandma Irene, Tony's only remaining grandparent and his dad's mom. She had just celebrated her 94th birthday. We had a nice visit with her and even got a few pictures of the whole family -- including Irene holding a photo of Oliver. She was so sweet as she insisted we include him. Earlier this week she passed away and today she is celebrating in heaven. I never had an opportunity to spend much time with Irene, but I do know that she lived a full and joyous life. She loved sharing stories of her life and she loved being around -- and talking with -- people. I can only imagine the number of lives she impacted during her 94 years. I am so thankful that we got to spend a bit of time with her recently.
I pray that you are enjoying this holiday season as well. Before I sign off, here are a few more FAQs posted by our Agency that I thought might be of interest.
Q: Can you talk more about “cocooning” with the child once we are back in the United States? We had planned to have family here to help out the first few weeks. Will this be confusing for our child?
In the first few months you are with your child, it is important that you (adoptive parents) are the only ones who fulfill your child’s needs (food, bathing, sleeping, play, etc.). This is crucial to creating a strong attachment between you and your child. Accordingly, it is not helpful to have other family members or friends in your home at least for the first 2 weeks or so. After that time, it is recommended that there be just short visits limited to a 1-3 people at a time. If you need help from family members or friends, make sure that they are helping with non-child activities…laundry, donated meals, housecleaning, etc. Grandparents and future caregivers can certainly interact with the child, but they need to do without holding, picking up, feeding, etc. They can play with toys or talk with the child or join the family in a meal. The longer you practice this “cocooning”, the better. For some families, it is a few months, and for others it could be close to a year or more.
Q: If you cocoon for 6 months, will this not cause our children to fall behind socially? What about play groups?
No. The priority during the first year needs to be on attachment. Social skills, which your child may already have a lot upon his arrival, can be developed further after the attachment has been nurtured.
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