Roller Coaster
I've started, deleted and re-started this post a number of times now. I just can't quite find the proper way to express how I am feeling, what I am thinking and what is (or isn't) happening in the world of "bringing Oliver home."
As with any roller coaster, this journey has had it's highs and lows (with more to come, I'm sure). Last week, getting the new photos, I felt a surge of happiness and hope. But by Friday afternoon, after another week of no news on our court date, I began to feel deflated. Hopeless.
Yesterday several families were given court dates (shared on facebook) -- families whose paperwork went to the Family Court on the same day as ours. Tony and I were both full of excitement and anticipation. My heart was racing. I checked my email constantly. I kept checking my phone for a possible missed call.
Unfortunately, there was no phone call. No email. Nothing.
I feel crushed. People say to be patient, to trust in God's timing, that it will all be worth it in the end. And yes, those things are absolutely true. I know they are true. However, knowing and feeling are two different things! And right now I'm feeling very very low. The "can't stay awake, can't get out of bed, crying spontaneously in the car" kind of low.
Reflections
These feelings are not helped by the fact that it is October. It has been five years since Tony and I began the journey to add to our family. In those five years friends have had one, maybe two (or more) children. Friends have gotten married....and pregnant. Life has continued, as it is destined to do. Yet in many ways I've been in limbo for so much of the past five years. My patience has been tried and testing time and time again. I am tired of being patient! (for a recap of our journey, you can see this blog post from September 2012: click here)
Well, enough Debbie Downer for one morning! Hopefully the "what I know" will win out over the "how I feel" and I'll start to perk up again soon.
Thankful
On to something more upbeat. There are a number of things I've discovered or experienced recently that I'm very thankful for.
1. The Delay Start feature on our washing machine
2. Keypad lock for the front door -- no key needed!
3. Working with a local carpet installer instead of a big box store -- not only is it great to use a local person, but it also allows us to do sections at a time instead of the whole house
4. Being able to run outside (rain recently forced me back to the gym and the treadmill...I forgot how much more enjoyable an outdoor run is to an indoor/treadmill run)
5. The anti-slip product you can place under bathroom rugs so they stop sliding around all the time.
Well, that's all I have for now. Hopefully the next post will include a court date and travel plans!
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